One interesting thing I encounter in these situations at such a stage- a stage where my adversaries have second thoughts about their chosen courses of action against me- has to do with how they just want to totally disengage from me socially and seem to wish we never knew each other in the first place. They made their bed, and now they have to lie in it, or so it seems. This stage where I see people who no longer relish the idea of being my tormenters or adversaries, and just want to go on their own way, can make me feel surprisingly lonely and isolated. After all, if I could just be good friends with everyone who came after me in this manner, I'd be the least lonely man on earth.
I thought about this today as I wondered if whether people who coveted the role of my enemy came to have some knowledge, somehow, of the contents of issue number 9 of my Richy Vegas comic book. In that issue I lay out in a dry, flat, dispassionate manner the events of 1986 and 1987 they seemed so intent on having me never be able to live down. I tell my side of the story. This train of thought just remains a speculative notion until I have some proof otherwise, I guess.
One thing I'm looking for is for random women I don't really know to try to fuck with me like it has been happening for some years now. You know, remarks or behaviors towards me that seem to reference my past behaviors, such as crude sexual propositions or obsessive pursuits of women that I'm never, ever supposed to forget, and how those things I'm never, ever supposed to forget will forever mark me as a total piece of shit in life. Or, another thing that's been going on since like, 1988: entrapment oriented flirtations with me from young, attractive women. I look for these kinds of things because they occur so regularly, and they seem to offer conclusive proof that nothing has changed at all for me.
On the other hand, I don't think I want to look for that former cashier from that grocery store to come my way looking to get to know me better. Like I said, she knows full well that she just displayed a desire to bring home some point that, no matter how I treated her, no matter what I did to prove my feelings for her, she just wanted to bring home the point that she could never care for someone such as me. If she has a change of heart about my actual guilt now, she probably just wants to forget the whole thing ever happened and not ever see me at all. Lots of people who engage in this kind of shit with me seem to have little or no desire or even ability to hold themselves to account for the behaviors and attitudes they've clung to for so long.
So, as of right now, I have zero reasons to look for more positive developments from amongst the women in my world, but rather, to look for the same old shit interactions that random women just want to visit upon me to show what they really think of me, and how there's nothing I can do to change my standing with them or my situation. These types of interactions offer easy proof that nothing has changed, and such behaviors show up in places regularly enough. Mind you, my behavior has been exemplary these past seven, fifteen or so years in the face of this ostracism, and I have no desire to change MY course of action in that regard.
I want people to keep this one point I will now make in mind. I can forgive a lot of the shit people such as the wives and girlfriends of my male friends, and that former cashier as well, have desired to put off on me. I can forgive these woman and lots of other people, male and female, in the sense that I will not try to retaliate or otherwise hurt them in any way. If anyone such as these women I've just cited actually WANT to be friends with me, I would just have to take such a desire on their part on a case by case basis, each one individually.