Rather than go into what I think might have been going on with this last bunch of idiots, I suggest people look up blog posts from around January 2015 up to around the Summer of 2016.  A lot of those posts will give people an idea of the kinds of things that I have to deal with on a regular basis.  I don't think that the major players (the women vying for bogus love interest status with me) feel as if they have any issues with me at this current time.  If they do feel as if they have issues with me, I think that the only reason for those feelings would stem from what I write on this blog.  If that's the case, I'm sorry, but I think that I am allowed to express my opinions about what I might have thought was going on, as long as I respect these women's right to privacy.

The same goes for this last situation that I found myself in.  Regardless of the socio-economic status of the parties involved, I think that if I take reasonable precautions about privacy, I can express what I thought might have been going on with this last bad, unavailable woman deal that I had no choice but to negotiate my way through.

What I mean by retaliation would fall under the category of trying to do something that would hurt this person or these persons that I think were all involved.  The last time I did that was when I portrayed the antagonists in Richy Vegas Comics #4; "Anita You're the Reason I'm Not In Prison," as victims of the Whitman massacre in issue number 1 of that same comic book.  I've since taken issue #1 off the market, because the aggrieved parties seemed to find it so hurtful.  But, and this is big, I'm still selling issue #4, which goes into what I found so hurtful about their behaviors towards me in the first place by telling my side of what actually happened.

In Feeling Good, by Dr. David Burns, he flat out advises against retaliating against someone that the reader feels may have wronged him or her.  He says that the party that one retaliates against won't feel as if they deserve to be treated that way, and they may not even understand the why of it.  I have totally found this to be true in my dealings with so many women who have gone adversarial on me to some degree or another.

Will I produce a work of art that goes into what I think might have been going on since the beginning of the year?  I have a lot on my plate right now in the way of stuff that I want to produce with my art and music, so it would be awhile.  Anyhow, I think that the blog posts from the beginning of this year tell enough of a story by themselves. 

This is a metaphor.... dumbfucks!

I Didn’t Know It Was a Gunfight
(Until I Drew And Shot You Down)
Em, Am,B7
Bridge:  B7,F,C,G,Em
B(down, up)  B(down)
 
Em
I didn’t know it was a gunfight
              Am
Until I drew and shot you down
                  B7
Another burial on Boothill
             Em
I am The Kid of great renown.
 
You had quite a reputation
I heard you were quite mean
You copped your look from Lee Marvin
In his role as Kid Shelleen.
 
You rode up all into town
On a sleek slick black pony
But the ride you wanna take me on
Don’t involve that black pony.
 
Your good posture and sturdy leg
Meant fuck all yesterday
When you left me with no choice at all
But to blow your ass away.
 
You were hired by a syndicate
From a city in the East
Now your big black Hearse is pointed West
Pulled by two big sturdy beasts.
 
You were daddy’s little cutie
But then you got cute with me
Now you’re busted just like Donald Trump
But you’re in good company.
 
You see ones have come before you
And they all had the same plan
Better buy yourself a Nintendo
‘stead of messin’ with The Man.
 
Bridge:
    B7
I hope the Good Lord favors you
               C
‘cause to me you’re just a punk
               F
now your carcass rests on Boothill
            B7
you shoulda thought before you thunk.
 
  B7
The bodies just pile higher
                C
I really hope that you’re the last
                  F
I grow weary of this charade
         G                         Em
I wanna put it in my past.
 
Verse:
Darlin’ stick to makin’ records
It’s expression that’s good for you
Babe ya’ got the finest things in life
And I’ve got better things to do.
 
I didn’t know it was a gunfight
Until I drew and shot you down
Now I’m back out here on Main Street
To see who just rode into town.
 
Richy Vegas 5/19/2017

Karma was used as a justification for the upper classes to keep their foot in the neck of the peasants in Far Eastern countries like China and Japan.  Today hippie fuck types invoke Karma when they really mean a bloodlust for revenge.  Dr. Burns asks in Feeling Good  if the reader feels like the emotional pain that they are going through is some sort of punishment.  I'm with Burns on this one.  You people who invoke Karma as your justification for shitting on each other can all suck my cock.  Listen to me: the hippies brought you Charlie Manson, punk rock brought you Richy Vegas.  Now, once more with feeling, go fuck yourselves.

I was talking to Vernon Hoe about this very subject a couple of years ago.  Considering how often and the sheer numbers of women who have decided to go adversarial on me over the years, I don't have a lot of them out there who still feel that they have issues with me to this day.  I think one aggrieved party of one, two, or three individuals had their grievances bite the dust upon the reading and comprehension of Richy Vegas Comics #4: "Anita You're the Reason I'm Not In Prison."  That would leave one, possibly two more aggrieved parties runnin' around out there with some kind of hard-on for me.  Two's a stretch, but I never know 'til I know.

Why, one formerly aggrieved party that comes to mind would be Wanda from issue #9.  Around the time I was getting ready to go off to SVA in the Summer of 1989, we had an interaction at G/M Steakhouse that seemed to her to necessitate some kind of artful response.  Now, according to that other world that I talk about one foot being in, that artful response was going to involve one Billy Billiams in a way that I would not want, but not for the reasons that she thought I would not like.  But, word somehow got out about Billy's assault of a girl that I'd met at the Cannibal Club a week before I first heard about it, and, by the time I did hear about the assault, about two weeks had passed since the assault itself had occurred.  

You know what?  I don't think that Wanda anymore had the issues with me that she once thought she did by the time I got back from my first SVA semester and took the Winter break in Austin.  Now I don't know this for sure, but I saw her exiting the UT student theater and the expression on her face....had the look of someone who no longer had any issues with me.  The same could be said for Katy, whom I talk about in issues numbered 6 and 7 and 8 of Richy Vegas Comics.  I remember returning from when I GRADUATED from SVA, and I saw her from far across Burnet Road as she was about to enter a restaurant with a group.  Her expression and demeanor seemed to betray someone who felt as if she had no longer the issues that she once felt she had.

Now the "Legend of Richy Vegas," talks about an interesting twist on this: even though Wanda herself might have not had anymore the issues she once had with me, this didn't prevent many, many others feeling that they had issues with this incident of the crude sexual proposition that I made to Wanda; thanks to the Tom-Hulce-as-Mozart-in-Amadeus delivery, through peels of affected-high- pitched-laughter, by one Jim, to anyone within earshot of his affectations-of-transcendent-genius, of this news about the crude sexual proposition I'd made. I had quite a mess to clean up by the time I returned Austin in 1991.  All it took was a major nervous breakdown to wipe that slate clean, thank you. 

I sometimes worry that "The Legend of Richy Vegas" will come across as too self-indulgent and self-aggrandizing.  No, I just lied, I don't worry about that at all.  I've got off to a really good start, and I hope to get well into it-at least over the next several years.  I'm aiming for a series that might come off as about sixty-five percent as good as my last series, "The Consequences of Bringing Light." 

As for anyone else out there who might STILL have a hard-on to take me down, I won't speculate to the extent of naming names here, I just have to say: well, there you have it, now go fuck yourselves.

  

My gig in Lockhart went about as well as I could have expected, I guess.  I don't know.  I just started thinking about stuff that happened quite some time ago.  My books have been called shockingly honest about what I'm willing to talk about.  I get the impression that when some people read those pretty damn honest passages, that they see me as the only person on Earth that has done things he's not proud of.  I seem to run into quite a few people to this day whose journey through life seems to have been one long spotless record of always pure intent and deed.  Is there a word, or better yet, a label for those types?

The commenter below said, "I think they're called liars."  Good answer, but I was looking for "hypocrites." 

Far be it from me to unwittingly cause another disruption in the Force, Force.  Luke Skywalker would never want to piss off or upset the Force, because Luke Skywalker wants the Force to be with him.  I get that, i really do.  Now go back to whatever it was you were doing before I so rudely interrupted with my out loud musings.

The scene:  Perhaps the palatial digs of the Invisible Woman.  Vernon Hoe shows the Invisible Woman a performance of one Richy Vegas.  Perhaps it's the Insect Sex Act Halloween Show at Ruta Maya in 2011.  

Invisible Woman: So this is your buddy Richy Vegas on vocals.
Vernon Hoe:  Yep.
IW: I could see how he could have a viable avocation in the music world, if not an out and out career.  But, you say when he feels he's been wronged, especially by a beautiful young woman, he has a tendency to be rather,,,,eviscerative (okay, I just made up an adjective form of a verb, sue me)?  In other words, consummate artist that Richy Vegas is, when he takes a darker turn, it is very very impactful- as impactful as this performance at Ruta Maya with Insect Sex Act in 2011?
VH: That about says it all.
IW: Well I can see how such an individual can have a tendency to shoot himself in the foot.  And, if he were to cross me, I could squash him like a bug.  He couldn't even get a Monday happy hour booking at Hole in the Wall after I would get through with such a man as that, n'cest pas?  So, Mr Hoe, what are you proposing?  Would you like me to put him through some sort of a test?
VH: Exactly.
IW: And, of course, Mr. Hoe...
VH: ...Vernon.
IW: ...Of course, Vernon, this has nothing to do with love, girlfriends, or relationships.  It is about Richy Vegas' tendency to self-destruct on an Unavailable Woman Deal.  Am I right?
VH: Yes.
IW:  Then I propose  a toast: to Richy Vegas, good luck and godspeed, middle-aged man with a major mental illness! 'Clink!'

End Scene

How was that, baby?

I thought the show was last Sunday, Mother's Day, but it turns out that Aaron got the dates mixed up.  I showed up in Lockhart, and the owner of Desiderata Wine Lounge said that he tried to get in touch with me, but that the contact info I gave Aaron was illegible.  A veritable comedy of errors.

Aaron Allen, an eighty-eight year old Texas songwriter, liked what he saw when I performed at Cheatham Street Warehouse last Wednesday and offered me the gig.  It's at 3PM at Desiderata in Lockhart, which sits between Black's Barbecue and the town square at 115 Main Street.  Aaron and I are going to swap songs onstage.  Like I said, I went last Sunday, and it looks like a real nice place.

I'm trying to come up with a set that is not going to get me run out of town on a rail.  That would mean, probably, no "Blo-hole Acres," or "From Rundberg to My Burg."  I'm trying to only do songs that go up to the heat level of "I'm Sorry (If Love Were)" or back off from that.  I will have "Blo-hole....' locked and loaded if I think the crowd can handle it.

In the late Winter of 2015, I likened my experience dealing with a young woman in my world to Jacob wresting with the angel from the Old Testament.  She and her's fired a shot across my bow in early September of 2014, and it wasn't until mid-January of 2015 that I figured out what she wanted, and boy did I bust her but good. 

Since January of this year, I've talked about a celebrity fixation that I have found myself embroiled in, and I believe that my fitful night of wrestling with this particular angel is finally over.  I'm getting pretty good at this.  I never showed up at her house.  I never sent 400 messages to her social media accounts over a 36 hour period of time.  I never called her ugly names on this blog (I believe lowlife was the worst it got, and that was totally in jest).  Whatever accusations I leveled at her and others just amount to the aforementioned wrestling with the angel.

I really meant it in the blog post from this month titled something like, "Burn my bridges or no?," that how I behave in any of these situations, even in the case of a celebrity that I've never met, seems to be a lot more important than I realized in the days of my youth, when these situations could really go sideways in a hurry.  It really seemed as if male friends and other young men I knew could get away with a lot more shit in their treatment of women than I ever could.  But, long ago I stopped bitching about this apparent fact and realized things such as, that I, yes crazy Rich, could be a role model for how to behave with women when one's back is really against it, even though I really never seemed to be able to date or have a girlfriend with much luck.

Further, it seemed as if the way I behaved, first with Sara in 1988 (see "I'm not bad" from January, 2016) provided the best template for how to proceed at just about any juncture of this wrestling match with the angel.  I remember a feeling of total helplessness after things went south with Wanda in 1987, and how I never quite had that feeling of a fish out of water ever again after Sara.  I made plenty of wrong moves, mind you, but I always seemed to have some idea of how to proceed.

I think this celebrity fixation might represent a final frontier with this particular brand of fixation: the unavailable woman deal.  I don't see how any twenty-one year old baristas or waitresses are ever going to be able to tie me up in knots to the degree that this Invisible Woman did, because I never had any real sense, and still don't, that an actual person was ever there.

Why haven't I been cyber-bullied about this?  Maybe I give enough of a sense that I know what's up, I don't know.  Maybe any celebrity news sites that might stumble upon this blog don't want to be known for initiating a cyberbullying campaign against a vulnerable private citizen.

One of the great things about the satisfactory resolution of these conflicts in the way that I resolve them these days, is that I feel no real need to rebound with this or that woman in my world.  I can just not bother them if I choose.  I remember how this one business that I patronize that the woman from 2014/2015 worked at seemed to have this gunfighter mentality take over some of the young female employees in regards to me, so it was really good that I felt no need to rebound and try to throw anyone up in anyone else's face, because those other female employees just wanted to take a crack at The Kid.

I managed to record three songs today.  They are not the keeper takes, but I managed to get the equipment all working okay.  I now hope to record this album at home.  I will then get Cris to master the final tracks.  I will spend the next several weeks tracking, and then I will see if I have enough to start editing.  I also have to make a loop rhythm track for "Blo-hole" acres so that I can practice the solo.

I can always give up and pay Cris for some studio time and editing expertise if it proves to be too much for me.  I really want to find out how to do all this stuff by myself, though, because I have so much stuff that I have to document in demo-quality form.  Just to have Cris master the tracks alone costs almost as much as hourly studio time, so it's not as if he won't get paid.  He threw in the mastering the last time I recorded with him.

I also managed to get well into book five of the sketchbook layouts of "The Legend...."  I hope to start proofreading what I've done by next weekend.  This weekend has been very productive!  I decided to stop where I was with the layouts and devote the rest of the weekend to recording.

The woman thing seems to be doing pretty good.  I don't know if I'll be able to go on an actual date anytime in the foreseeable future, but women in various parts of my world seem to want to talk to me about this, that, and the other.  The woman who runs the open mic I go to at New World Deli on Mondays went out of her way to tell me that she'd noticed an improvement in my guitar playing, for example.

It does seem as if my guitar playing has improved.  I guess that if I do enough recording, I will get comfortable enough with that to do  good takes, and thus I won't need an to do so much editing.  That way I might be more likely to be able to do the recording and editing by myself.