I’m Gonna Write You Off
(On My Bad Woman Tax Return)
Verse: G, C, F, E  Chorus: A, D, G, C7
Bridge: A, G, D  /Strum: B∇∆ B∇

​Verse:
  G
On this journey of life
                     C                           G
You brought me nothing but pain
       G
I could see my whole life
          C                                G 
Going straight down the drain
            F
Well since you left to stay
                       E
There’s been one good take-away
         G
I kept the receipts for all
         C                        G 
That whiskey and cocaine.


Chorus:
            A
I’m gonna write you off
                                               D/D
On my bad woman tax return
          A
I’m gonna write you off
                                          D/D
As another lesson learned
         G
I’m gonna fill in subhead three
                        C7
Under column hell on me
           D
I’m gonna write you off
            A                                G/G
On my bad woman tax return.

Verse:
Well your love for me
Was like some old chewed up rat
Brought to my front door
By your gnarly mean-eyed cat
For all you in the know
Its heart ripped out for show
Oh baby could you 
Get me some more of that .

Chorus:
I’m gonna write you off
On my bad woman tax return
I’m gonna write you off
As another lesson learned
I’m gonna fill in subhead three
Under column hell on me
I’m gonna write you off
On my bad woman tax return.

Bridge:
    A
Well they’ll call me for an audit
                        G
And I’ll show them how you clawed it
          D
Down to the bone
    D
Left me alone
      G                      D
Oh professor you taught it.

Verse:
To me you were
 much more than style and grace
that night I slept so well
and you marked up on my face
for all the world to see
when I went to H-E-B
some bad things about 
people of another race.

Chorus:
I’m gonna write you off
On my bad woman tax return
I’m gonna write you off
As another lesson learned
I’m gonna fill in subhead three
Under column hell on me
I’m gonna write you off
On my bad woman tax return.

Richy Vegas  6/24/2017

My number one priority at this point in my deal with the Invisible Woman is to not go past the point of no return with her.  In the summer of 1988, I made that same priority paramount with Sara, and I cut her loose.  I had no idea that she had issues with her sexuality that must have run riot in her for a long time.  I sacrificed any notion of having any kind of relations with her because I no longer felt that I could vouch for my ability to control my darker impulses in regards to her.  I want to emphasize that this was not done in any nobel spirit of self-sacrifice, I was simply fed up with her.

I do not believe that I have gone past the point of no return with the Invisible Woman.  I have not engaged in any abusive name-calling.  I have not threatened, harassed, intimidated, or transgressively attempted to embarrass her.  I have posted a couple of songs that range in content from snarky to lacerating, but as far as trying to bring her embarrassment; the fact that I have never mentioned her name, and perhaps more importantly, couched so many statements about her in terms of, "this all might be in my head," means that I have afforded her a modicum of personal privacy in light of the fact that she is a famous person.

Regardless of whether she actually knows anything about all of the stuff I have alluded to and talked about, I could still go past the point of no return with her.  Regardless of how she actually feels about me, I could still go past the point of no return with her. Regardless of her relationship status, I could still go past he point of no return with her.  Regardless of whether I actually meet her in real life or not, ditto.

I have such anger and resentment when, in more typical circumstances, an attractive young woman engages in the kinds of behaviors and attitudes that I have accused this person of engaging in, that I wonder if I do enough to distinguish between the person, a creature created in God's image just like me, and the distasteful things they do.  In my own head after all, I certainly do engage in all kinds of ugly name-calling.  But, this morning I thought maybe I don't give myself enough credit.  A couple of posts ago,  I mentioned that I congratulated the last one on her engagement and marriage, even though she tried more than once to make me over into the bad guy that she imagined me to be.

Regardless of whether my notion of this person exists.  Regardless of her actual relationship status.  Regardless of whether I actually meet her one day or not; now and for the foreseeable future, both she and I's safety and well being are more important to me than love, girlfriends, or relationships.  It's just the kind of thing that mentally-ill-trash-like-me-who-is-less-of-a-man thinks about during these times.  As of May 21st, 2017,  you and yours entered my world, forever, babe.  How do you like it so far?  Insert appropriate expletive here. 

I've posted many times about this latest Unavailable Woman Deal that I somehow managed to find my way through.  This has to take the cake as far as utter weirdness, because, all together now, the unavailable woman was a famous person who may or may not exist in the form that I imagined them to exist in.

That said, let's profile the alleged perpetrator in question.  This kind of shit has been going on for me since the '80's, so I know a side, a very ugly side, of this kind of person, whether this particular manifestation of unavailable woman is a real thing or not.

So let's just say this right off: it's not enough for this type of person to be a very physically attractive person.  It's not enough that this person enjoy good health and all that good health brings.  Sometimes these types come from pretty privileged circumstances, but not necessarily so.  In this particular person's case, her career success doesn't seem to be enough for her, either.  She has the love of many friends, family, not to mention her fans, but that doesn't quite seem to do it for her.  It's not even enough that this person has a righteous boyfriend in tow at all times.  And, believe me, they've got the righteous boyfriend in tow more often than not when they come see about me.  All the things this person has doesn't seem to fill some emptiness inside of her, so this type of loveliness seems to have the need for someone they can take a big steaming shit on, and that's where I come in.  The world has not run out of these types of women for Richard Alexander by a long shot.  I guess God is giving me plenty, but plenty of chances to get it right.  So yes, there is a type of woman lining up outside my door with a line snaking around the block, and it is just this special type.

I've yet to bust up their righteous boyfriend deal in all of my now fifty-three years of life.  Well, that's not exactly true, I have had a hand in some of that, but not so that they'd ever then get with me in the aftermath.  And, why on Earth would I not jump at the chance to get with such a person after seeing this very special side of themselves that they seemed to save just for my benefit? Smelling a rat, a rat that wants to lay its own special brand of rat turd all over my existence, is enough for me to feel satisfied when I thwart them on their holy mission from God yet once again.

So no, I don't know if the New Invisible Woman was for real or not, and for that matter, I don't really care either.  I just went through an experience where she just as might as well have been a real thing, and she can consider her ass kicked, thank you very much.  I'll do a Righteous Boyfriend Reality Check in a few days, but today I'm taking the day off, and in the interval, I'll live what I consider to be a pretty meaningful life.  A life that any old turd that rolls down the turnpike has to compete with in terms of personal satisfaction and fulfillment, and this one so far has not even come close to usurping.  I am not looking to escape to anywhere, and  the only expectation I ever have from an unavailable woman who lands under my skin is for them to just pass through on their way to somewhere else.

The last one got a lot more consideration as far as what all songs I posted on this blog that were about her.  That's because I saw her on a regular basis and thought it really bad form to post songs that were mean.  I really only posted one song about her the entire time I had to deal with her.  That was, "Scoot On Over Buster."  The follow up, "Five Foot Nine of Love In Vain," wasn't so nice, and it didn't get posted.  That one, and others such as, "God, You're Sumpin' Awful," and, "Bad Woman Bait."

This time the unavailable woman was, of all the insane things for an unavailable woman to be, an A-list celebrity. Let me tell you, I've had some strange experiences in my life, but this one rates right up there with the strangest.  Does this person even know about  me?  Was someone I had a run-in with years and years ago the actual instigator of this Unavailable Woman Deal?  Who all knew about this?  Was this all in my head?  Right now it's as if the whole deal is like an untreated, naked corpse that has been buried deep in the earth with no casket or other preparation, and it's just being consumed by the bugs and the grubs and the microbes and returning to its mother.

The last one got my congratulations at the announcement of her engagement and marriage after she accepted my friend request on Facebook.  That was the only comments I ever sent her way via that platform- no personal messages at all.  She unfriended me last November or December, but for some reason I don't mind that at all.  I haven't seen her since, but I'm still conscientious of trying to make an effort to take a bit of a high road with her.

I don't see why this celebrity person should get any less consideration.  So this last song that I just wrote that had some pretty bitter words will stay off this blog and just be for anyone I need to play in front of, if even then.  If this celebrity person announces her engagement to the world at large in the coming days, weeks, or months, I guess that I will extend the same courtesy of congratulating her.  It might not mean a thing to her, but like a lot of that kind of stuff, it would mean something to me.

Oh, here's the first lines, "You don't give a damn about your bad reputation/ Well I don't give a goddam either."

I don't know who all logs onto this sight on a regular basis.  I just see the data from Weebly that says I get between 140 and 200 visitors in a week, with anywhere from 800 to 1,800 page views.  Are these mostly new people passing through?  Are they regular readers of this blog?  

If they're regular readers of this blog, they don't seem to have much interest in buying my books or music.  Harvey Pekar had this bottom line about his appearances on the old David Letterman NBC show: he decided to chuck it all because it didn't seem as if the people who watched him on Letterman bought his comic books.  He famously decided to call out NBC, and their parent company General Electric, on the Letterman show regarding a lawsuit the State of Ohio was in with GE over a nuclear power plant.  That really pissed of Letterman, and he had one more appearance after that.

It's nice to have an audience.  An artist's struggle, no matter what their medium, is so much about finding an audience.  I just get the sense that mine wants to stay anonymous, and that can be frustrating.  

I'm getting hip to the idea that, in the world of attractive young or youngish women, the romantically obsessive guy with the mental illness is a common bad guy type, and might even top the Player in the ranking of types to avoid.  This leads me to perhaps want to stay away from some of the businesses such as food service businesses that typically will employ attractive young women.  My mere frequent presence at such places might send a signal to these women that I don't mean to send or want to send.  I'm thinking about patronizing these places much less frequently that I usually do because of this.  I'm singling out food service businesses because I can just make my own meals and coffee at home instead.  

That would mean that I might have much less stuff to write about as far as the kind of interactions with young women that I go on about.   Maybe someone else from the 80's will step up and provide some excitement, or that same person i've been talking about lately might decide that she's not happy with how things shook out, and she might try to make another play.  If nothing like that happens, that would leave me with updates on my art and music, which might not be of much interest to my audience, if I  even have the audience I imagine I have. 

I've set aside three evenings for tracking for the album, Self Portrait of Me.  I've decided to take the first night off and watch sports.  Since my guitar teacher canceled Thursday's lesson, I will also set aside Thursday for tracking.  I want to try to do the tracks that my teacher said would sound good on the electric guitar.  I've already tracked every song with the acoustic guitar, and I will do six tracks over with the electric guitar.  "Blo-hole Acres" has the rhythm guitar as acoustic and the solo guitar as electric.  I would also like to learn how to play the spoons and see if I could make at least one proper single for this album instead of only demo tracks.

I've written quite a bit about what I've regarded as a possible campaign of psychological harassment and intimidation orchestrated by someone who had a beef against me from way back.  I've played to at least two, if not three different possibilities, with this alleged campaign being one of them.  I'm satisfied with the outcome, and that is what is important in these types of situations.

I've often wondered why I've been such a frequent target of such attention.  I've come to the conclusion that these women who target me for this kind of attention must face an overwhelming temptation to do so.  In their world the guy who has a tendency to romantically obsess on individual women, and who also has a major mental illness, is always the bad guy in their little dramas.  They see such a guy as a rather easy conquest as far as getting the guy to take an obsessive interest in them, and once they've got such an individual's interest, they see this guy as rather easy to beat.  Finally, they see themselves as being able to get away with it with absolutely no negative consequences for their actions.  All the while they see themselves as having God on their side, because the guy who obsesses on them and has a mental illness is, after all, ALWAYS the bad guy.

​

I had a harder time than usual typing this one out for some reason.

An Abusive Woman
Verse: Am, E7
Refrain: C, B7
Last verse: Am, Dm, E7
B∇∆ B∇∆

 Verse:
Am                                         E7
An abusive woman is like a daisy in the Spring
           Am                                                       E7
She’ll plant a seed in your brain and bring a painful thing
        Am                                     E7
An abusive woman’ll lure you miles out of town
        Am                                               E7
There’ll be some boys waitin’ there to give you a beat down
       Am                                       E7
An abusive woman might have money looks and fame
         Am                                     E7
Ask Nicole Brown Simpson if to her it’s all the same.


Refrain:
                     C
She could live in a trailer
            E7 
Or a penthouse in New York
            C
That leakey leak in your heart’ll
            E7
Make you want a cork.

Verse:
An abusive woman is at her worst at twenty-two
Four years of college boy she’ll make a mess of you
An abusive woman thinks God is on her side
That’s all she’ll ever need to know to take you for a ride.
An abusive woman knows puppet mastery
All the men’ll line up in misguided chivalry.


Refrain:
Those tactics they use 
they work no more
They’ll work how many times they work
Then they won’t work no more.

Last verse:
         Am                                           Dm
An abusive woman could be many many things
             E7                                  Am
But an abusive woman ain’t no daisy in the Spring.

Richy Vegas  6/7/2017

The web comic at the top of my home page, Richy Vegas: a psycho memoir, features a young female character I call Nicole Amaretto in part one.  I failed to mention the times I would see Nicole in the UT art building during the semester after I graduated.  I went there to line up teacher recommendations for graduate school.  Anyway, I would pass by Nicole, typically on the stairwell, at least twice, and she would look at me as if her face betrayed her being touched in a very profound place.  Bewildered, but touched.  After I got back from SVA on my first Winter break, I sat in the Dobie Mall movie theater on one of their couches.  I hear a voluminous, not loud, but voluminous, low-voiced but female voice, say,"Okay," from the direction of the ticket counter.  I look over and see Nicole with a date.  The date is a stocky Latino guy and he has his eyes-half-closed in a profound looking way.  Not looking at me, but nonetheless...

Right before I went to SVA in the Fall, I ate at Chez Zee with my mother.  A young woman and an older man pass by our table at one point on the way to their seats.  I look over after a while and see "Anna," someone I had a real bad fixation on three years earlier right after I broke up with Jeannette.  I noticed her because she had a gaze fixed on me with a similarly touched expression on her face.  Mind you, when I associated with her three years earlier, she was a classmate in a math class with a serious boyfriend, and she regarded me as a kind of menace and a pest, so the way she looked at me was weird, but not the first time some very attractive woman has looked at me that way, not by a long shot.

I've got to emphasize that an attractive young woman looking at me this way is not necessarily like a Willy Wonka Golden Ticket to tour the chocolate factory, if you get my drift- not by a long fucking shot, as I found out in an all-too-painful way with Myrna in the late Winter season of 1989 (see blog post,"Executing plays from my playbook,10/4/2016," for Myrna).  The young woman from last year seemed to specialize in giving me this touched look after I said this, that, or the other in this blog, and boy I'd really have to take such looks from her with a total grain of salt.  I guess it's possible for someone to have two total polar opposites going for someone inside of them, but from my personal experience, I want no part of such a person.  What do I look like, a masochist?

That said, I connected the dots with Anna and Nicole when I got sick in 1992 and again in 1995.  One of the voices in my head in 1995 took the form of Suckmeat Muldoon at his wedding in 1990.  The voice in the form of Suckmeat said that, as much as I obsess on women, women wind up obsessing on me like a motherfucker.  

I think that there might be something to that, I don't really know.  Was my most recent fixation wholly transferred to the object of my fixation back at me?  I've stopped googling this person's name, for the time being, and that's the only "plans" I have for her for the foreseeable future.  I could care less whether the notion of her that I had in my head, and to some extent still have, really existed or not, because that notion turned into something quite distasteful as of two weeks ago.  Don't get me wrong, on May 19 of this year I titled a post, "Invisible Woman, I care for you a great deal," and I still stand by that statement.  I was pretty mad after things shook out like they shook out, but I've come full circle, back to what I posted this past May 19th.

I care for anyone a great deal who has some part of them get under my skin for an appreciable period of time, even someone I've never met and am likely to never meet.  Some part of them becomes a part of me, what am I supposed to do besides take care of this part of them? Cut the offending appendage off?  I've just found a sustainable way of sending that part of that person on their way and out of the major part of my head, and that's where I'm at now.  Sue me.

Has there been a transference?  Is this person now fixated on me?  If they were, would I even find out if they just decided to hide every part of it from me and the rest of the world?  Okay, maybe they could.  Right now, I have absolutely no reason at all to give a flying fuck either which way about what may or may not be going on in such an individual. And, if this person has ever gone through a fraction of the conflicted emotional ups and downs that I've experienced, they would totally understand what I am saying right here,  right now, about it.  For me, all I have to concern myself with is being nice to this or that person in my actual world who may have a thing for me, but I don't want that right now.  That's all that's before me at this time, and it's pretty important to me to be kind to such a person, because I've been on the other end that equation plenty of times where the object of my desire was not nice to me AT ALL.