In my last post I talked about how I thought the Invisible Woman might just want the old deal back.  The deal we had last year involved me bending over backwards to accommodate the notion of her in my being and seeing what I could do to bring about a peaceful, mutually beneficial resolution for all.  In exchange for my efforts, the Invisible Woman, if the notion of her that I harbored actually existed in any way for real, got to do whatever she wanted.  

Like I've said before about another woman in my past, there was apparently something about this deal that the Invisible Woman liked.  I just give anyone this deal at first, that is, if they manage to get under my skin somehow.  But, like someone once said to me at the Kerrville Folk Festival, "I'll trust you until you give me a reason not to."  Well, I managed to survive that round, but that doesn't make me want to give her anothern.   

In last weeks post, I talked about the supposed shenanigans going on at my house with the missing distortion pedal that showed up all of a sudden, and the credit card that went missing at the same time.  There have also been people that I've connected to the Invisible Woman in my world, two men, who seem to give off the same creepiness that they did last year.  

Of course, there has been no effort on the for real celebrities' part to contact me directly and apologize to me for anything.  Why would this person do a thing like that?  The notion in my head doesn't exist for real, apparently.

That leaves the possibility open for  the real deal human to show up in my world somehow.  I've often run scenarios in my head of that happening, of course.  People often run scenarios in their head of things that have very little likelihood of coming to pass, so I'm no too far out there for doing that.

Today I concluded that if old En-viz managed to weasel her way into my world and back into my heart only to lower the boom- because, like a lot of women who went adversarial on me over the years, maybe she just hates to lose- if old En-viz manages to screw me over that way, then maybe I really am the kind of son of a bitch that deserves that kind of outcome.  Think about it, if this famous person actually went to the trouble to meet me in person and ingratiate herself to me to the point where she gained my trust and confidence, for the sole purpose of dicking me over in a major way, I must really be that kind of bastard.  Right?

Even if I didn't really deserve to be shit on like that, there's nothing really stopping this woman, or any attractive woman, from doing that if they really wanted to.  I can't win 'em all.  

In my last post I talked about how I might have an actual date to look forward to.  Well, I hung out with this person today, but it turns out that they are seeing someone, so I guess that didn't count as a date.  She seemed pretty nice, so I'll just leave it at that.

In recent posts I've talked about how I no longer have any to desire to cast about for a love interest from amongst the women in my world.  Some of them seem nice enough, I guess, but after doing that kind of thing for the longest time, I'm pretty sure that it's the kind of thing that these women really wouldn't like for me to do.  I wonder if maybe those days are really in my past.  I'm very glad that, truly, NOT ONE attractive woman in my world can say that I'm trying to make them over into a love interest.

I just go out to see bands and movies and play open mics.  I don't really pressure myself to meet new women.  Several years ago when I tried to just go for it and ask the young waitresses and baristas in my world out on dates in front of God and everyone, I think they all got the impression that there was no length I wouldn't go to to get with them, and that made a lot of them very uneasy.  Some of them reacted by playing cruel rejection games-as if that was a viable, constructive coping strategy. Anyway, a lot of my posts these past few months have focused more on the role I played in various debacles in my life, because it seemed more constructive to focus on that side of it, because I could at least make changes to what I brought to the dance.

Last year I got into this whole Invisible Woman thing, and truly, it was the ultimate unavailable woman deal.  The main thing that made it the ultimate unavailable woman deal was the fact that I still don't know how much, if any of it, had any basis in reality.  Just about every really bad deal before that one had the element of what was real versus what was in my head, and the Invisible Woman had that aspect to it in spades, absolutely.

A couple of weeks ago I spotted my missing distortion pedal in a spot in my apartment, where, if it had been there the whole time, I'm sure I would have spotted it months earlier.  That same day, I tried to pay for my latest comic book, but I found out that my credit card had come up missing.  I checked my account and found that there were no fraudulent charges made, and so I could just cancel it and get a new one.

It's stuff like that, and some of the people in the periphery of my world, that lead me to the conclusion  that the Invisible Woman, if she exists anywhere but as a notion in my head, wants to continue on with the deal we had last year.  Last year I bent over backwards trying to accommodate this notion of this person in my being, with the understanding that one day I would let this notion of this person go.

In a post back in April or May of 2016, I think it's called "My Verdict,"  I speculate that the unavailable woman of that day wanted our old deal back as well.  I had changed things up quite a bit, and I was determined that the old deal was not coming back.  At least, not If I had anything to do with it.  In July of that year, I concluded that the unavailable woman of that day just wanted to make me over into some kind of obsessive bad guy that she could have all of this drama about.

If the Invisible Woman wants the same deal to continue, with the songs about Fuckface and the railing against this, that, or the other, alternating with more conciliatory stuff, I don't think that deal is going to come back to where it was, and I don't think it's going  to continue much further in any form.  The original deal called for me to go down hard, and there's no indication to me that these people, if they exist, want anything better for me this time around.  So, there is no incentive for me to keep things going along as they were.  I'll probably never meet this famous person for real, and therefore there is no chance of any kind of friendship with this person.  Maybe if these people wait another year-plus or so, I will morph into the bad-guy-maddog-cyberstalker they might have imagined me becoming under all of this pressure they applied.  So yeah, Invis, hold yer breath until that day comes.

I lost my credit card. so I have to wait for a new one to pay Capital Printing for my print job.  The books look really good.  There were no unauthorized charges before I had a chance to cancel the card.

I don't like to count my chickens before they are hatched, but I might actually have an actual date with an actual woman within a week or so.  I've been going on about unavailable women for so long, you know.

I'm going to take another hit on my credit card this week.  i plan on taking a trip in the Spring, and that will be yet another occasion to bust out the credit.

The world's not running out of unavailable women anytime soon, if anything in my life is any indication.  I think I've come to pretty good terms with that whole dilemma.  When I got walloped with the presence of a very beautiful woman in my world who had a serious boyfriend when I was nineteen, it was like this torture I couldn't stop.  It's been a long time since the Unavailable Woman has been merely a nice enough girl with a serious boyfriend.  These days it takes a more predatory type to really get me nuts. 

I've dealt with the predatory type pretty well these last few years, if I say so myself.  Last Summer I met a woman who was just really beautiful, and she had a serious boyfriend, and she seemed to like talking to me, but, like I said, just being a beautiful young woman with a serious boyfriend isn't going to tie me up in knots.

I think the Invisible Woman presented me with the ultimate Unavailable Woman dilemma last year.  I got my way through that one with flying colors.  I've said it earlier in this space before, but I think it bears repeating: after the Invisible Woman, I don't see how any twenty-two year old waitress or barista is going to give me conniption fits the way they used to.  And, since I wrote that statement last Summer, none have given me any problems thus far.

What's left for me to have adventures over?  I guess I could see if I manage to survive my first heart attack.  Oh boy, what fun!  I figure that I have about six or seven years of reasonably good health before old age catches up with me.  I promise I will try to watch  what I eat more and go for more long walks.  Okay?