In recent posts I've talked about how I no longer have any to desire to cast about for a love interest from amongst the women in my world. Some of them seem nice enough, I guess, but after doing that kind of thing for the longest time, I'm pretty sure that it's the kind of thing that these women really wouldn't like for me to do. I wonder if maybe those days are really in my past. I'm very glad that, truly, NOT ONE attractive woman in my world can say that I'm trying to make them over into a love interest.
I just go out to see bands and movies and play open mics. I don't really pressure myself to meet new women. Several years ago when I tried to just go for it and ask the young waitresses and baristas in my world out on dates in front of God and everyone, I think they all got the impression that there was no length I wouldn't go to to get with them, and that made a lot of them very uneasy. Some of them reacted by playing cruel rejection games-as if that was a viable, constructive coping strategy. Anyway, a lot of my posts these past few months have focused more on the role I played in various debacles in my life, because it seemed more constructive to focus on that side of it, because I could at least make changes to what I brought to the dance.
Last year I got into this whole Invisible Woman thing, and truly, it was the ultimate unavailable woman deal. The main thing that made it the ultimate unavailable woman deal was the fact that I still don't know how much, if any of it, had any basis in reality. Just about every really bad deal before that one had the element of what was real versus what was in my head, and the Invisible Woman had that aspect to it in spades, absolutely.
A couple of weeks ago I spotted my missing distortion pedal in a spot in my apartment, where, if it had been there the whole time, I'm sure I would have spotted it months earlier. That same day, I tried to pay for my latest comic book, but I found out that my credit card had come up missing. I checked my account and found that there were no fraudulent charges made, and so I could just cancel it and get a new one.
It's stuff like that, and some of the people in the periphery of my world, that lead me to the conclusion that the Invisible Woman, if she exists anywhere but as a notion in my head, wants to continue on with the deal we had last year. Last year I bent over backwards trying to accommodate this notion of this person in my being, with the understanding that one day I would let this notion of this person go.
In a post back in April or May of 2016, I think it's called "My Verdict," I speculate that the unavailable woman of that day wanted our old deal back as well. I had changed things up quite a bit, and I was determined that the old deal was not coming back. At least, not If I had anything to do with it. In July of that year, I concluded that the unavailable woman of that day just wanted to make me over into some kind of obsessive bad guy that she could have all of this drama about.
If the Invisible Woman wants the same deal to continue, with the songs about Fuckface and the railing against this, that, or the other, alternating with more conciliatory stuff, I don't think that deal is going to come back to where it was, and I don't think it's going to continue much further in any form. The original deal called for me to go down hard, and there's no indication to me that these people, if they exist, want anything better for me this time around. So, there is no incentive for me to keep things going along as they were. I'll probably never meet this famous person for real, and therefore there is no chance of any kind of friendship with this person. Maybe if these people wait another year-plus or so, I will morph into the bad-guy-maddog-cyberstalker they might have imagined me becoming under all of this pressure they applied. So yeah, Invis, hold yer breath until that day comes.