The second woman is yet another very young, very attractive employee of one of these food service businesses that I patronize. The other day she looked at me with wide, wondering eyes, and I thought maybe she'd heard something nice about me too. Earlier this year I put in a Facebook friend request in for her, which she never accepted. I don't know where this look she gave me on two occasions running was about, but she seems to have calmed down, and seems to kind of be up to usual flirt stuff that a fifty-four year old man is not supposed to take seriously coming from someone as young as her.
The other day and night, as I finished the latest issue of my comic book, I came again to a realization about women such as this employee: I've never dated someone like her. I've been hung up on such an elusive type many, many times in my adult life, from the time when I was her age to now, but I've never dated someone like her.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not terribly experienced with women for a man my age, but I have dated a few and been with a few more besides. It's a strong indictment of both me, as someone who never dated such a woman, but who nonetheless would get terribly preoccupied with this type, and a bit of an indictment of this type, whom it seems, at times, is eager to seek out what I guess they hope is some "free" male attention.
What differentiates this type from the few women I've dated, and the few others I've been with? Today I concluded that I never had to win over the women that I'd dated to the extent that I would have to win over these more elusive types. Believe me, back in the day, I would embark on months long campaigns to win someone over if I thought they were "The One." "Gwen" , a fellow student at the School of Visual Arts, was one who seemed to come around, but we never consummated anything. I could win over a woman here and there, to some extent, but back in my twenties especially, the effort would tax me to the breaking point more often than not.
And here's another thing, I don't think I ever thought of these campaigns as an effort to win someone over from not liking me to liking me. I think, in every instance, I had the conviction that there was something already "there" for me, and that it was just as matter of cashing in. Only when I did win someone over, such as Gwen, did I realize that I had changed their mind quite a bit in the valiant effort. I've talked about the ugly side of humanity that I would see on this downward journey towards one of my nervous breakdowns.
So, let's get this straight, I've never consummated a deal with someone I've won over, and I'm not looking to win anyone over in my world right now. I mean, it's not as if I'd be violating a law of physics, such as gravity or inertia, if I did manage to win over a woman and then consummate the deal, but I'm looking for ways to relate to women that are more sustainable for me in the run of time I've got left. And here's another thing, oftentimes it seemed as if quite a number of those women I'd supposedly won over wanted me to jump through some hoops, whereas it seemed as if someone who was attracted to me from the start would let me know about that, somehow, without any prompting from me. The guy who wins the resisting girl over is the plot of a lot of romantic comedies, but this is life, it's not the movies.