Since January of this year, I've talked about a celebrity fixation that I have found myself embroiled in, and I believe that my fitful night of wrestling with this particular angel is finally over. I'm getting pretty good at this. I never showed up at her house. I never sent 400 messages to her social media accounts over a 36 hour period of time. I never called her ugly names on this blog (I believe lowlife was the worst it got, and that was totally in jest). Whatever accusations I leveled at her and others just amount to the aforementioned wrestling with the angel.
I really meant it in the blog post from this month titled something like, "Burn my bridges or no?," that how I behave in any of these situations, even in the case of a celebrity that I've never met, seems to be a lot more important than I realized in the days of my youth, when these situations could really go sideways in a hurry. It really seemed as if male friends and other young men I knew could get away with a lot more shit in their treatment of women than I ever could. But, long ago I stopped bitching about this apparent fact and realized things such as, that I, yes crazy Rich, could be a role model for how to behave with women when one's back is really against it, even though I really never seemed to be able to date or have a girlfriend with much luck.
Further, it seemed as if the way I behaved, first with Sara in 1988 (see "I'm not bad" from January, 2016) provided the best template for how to proceed at just about any juncture of this wrestling match with the angel. I remember a feeling of total helplessness after things went south with Wanda in 1987, and how I never quite had that feeling of a fish out of water ever again after Sara. I made plenty of wrong moves, mind you, but I always seemed to have some idea of how to proceed.
I think this celebrity fixation might represent a final frontier with this particular brand of fixation: the unavailable woman deal. I don't see how any twenty-one year old baristas or waitresses are ever going to be able to tie me up in knots to the degree that this Invisible Woman did, because I never had any real sense, and still don't, that an actual person was ever there.
Why haven't I been cyber-bullied about this? Maybe I give enough of a sense that I know what's up, I don't know. Maybe any celebrity news sites that might stumble upon this blog don't want to be known for initiating a cyberbullying campaign against a vulnerable private citizen.
One of the great things about the satisfactory resolution of these conflicts in the way that I resolve them these days, is that I feel no real need to rebound with this or that woman in my world. I can just not bother them if I choose. I remember how this one business that I patronize that the woman from 2014/2015 worked at seemed to have this gunfighter mentality take over some of the young female employees in regards to me, so it was really good that I felt no need to rebound and try to throw anyone up in anyone else's face, because those other female employees just wanted to take a crack at The Kid.