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Why I won't try to retaliate

5/3/2022

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In my last post I pointed out that I never once tried to retaliate against "Jenna" in the aftermath of that whole time around her in 1991/'92.  I want to emphasize too: she acted so snottily and condescendingly towards me at times in the wake of my attempts to resolve the situation during the Summer of 1992.  She was not an easy one to deal with at any point.

In the wake of my successful effort to make things right with Jenna in June of 1992, the notion entered my head that Jenna had been sexually abused by her dad when she was a very young child.   To be sure, Jenna acted so cruelly towards me on more than one occasion, but the fact that she still held herself together to the extent that she did when I knew her, and tried to make a go of it in life given the history I guessed at about her lent some honor to her struggles.  After I had those notions of her history, the thought of ever trying to mete out some proportional notion of retribution towards her never, ever, at any one time, ever crossed my mind.

This young woman who, I guess, still resides on my docket as an issue might have some kind of history, or maybe she's just a brat with a supreme sense of entitlement that makes her feel as if God is on her side whenever she does what ever she tried to do to me up until about six months ago.  Wherever she came from with her shit towards me, something I read in David Burns' Feeling Good pops into my head every time the notion of proportional retaliation on my part towards her crosses my mind: people never feel as if they deserve retaliation.  The FACT that she simply would NEVER feel as if she deserved my attempts at retribution nullifies any desire on my part to get back at her.  People simply don't think that way.
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