Invariably the deal would fall through in some way or other, and I would just be kind of glad that I wasn't so gung-ho in vying for some big relationship with them. They were the rejectors, but I could at least take away that I put a bigger emphasis on figuring out where they were really coming from than in just succumbing to whatever pretty pictures came into my head about how life might be with any of them as my girlfriend.
Yeah, I wouldn't be adverse to being in some long term deal with someone these days, it's just that anyone who seems to have that kind of iinterest doesn't make the cut. There have been a few who just don't do it for me as far as an attraction, there have been a couple who looked attractive enough, but had major substance abuse issues and maybe really bad attitudes and personalities, and the one or two who made it through those two guantlets just got arrogant on me. Years back one girl decided to not return my phone calls to nail down a specific evening we'd made plans for. I guess that I was supposed to know she was offfended by something I'd said, and that I would be scared of losing her and leave her messages pleading with her to call me back. That didn't happen.
One time, years later, this same womqn saw me at a comic book convention and flagged me down. We talked a little, and then she busted out with, "So, are you still an asshole?" I smiled and said, "Yeah, pretty much." She commended me for smiling and what not. Fuck her! Having that woman call me an asshole was like winning the Acadamy Award for best director or best actor.
You see, at least with me, she fancied herself some kind of a player, even though she looked pretty ordinary, really. When I first met her years ago I told her a little about myself and she comes out with, "Richard, it's great, because you're the ultimate underdog!" So she made a pretty bad impression on me from the start. If I were to ever hang out with her again, the occassion would require that I throw her into my truck and drive her to one of these businesses that I patronize, march her up to one of these young, very attractive women I've had to deal with, point right at one of these women, and yell, "Look, that is a player! Do you notice any difference between her and you? Any difference at all?"
Man, six months of a mostly-mutually-benificial-deal would count as a successful longterm relationship in my world; it's all relative, really. It's just that I'm a lot like Brere Rabbit: someone who is dumb enough to throw me in the briar patch as some form of punishment doeasn't really appreciate that, yes, I was born and raised in the briar patch, asshole. Now go fuck yourself.