In yesterday's post I brought up the idea that two people who meet and close the deal in regards to intimate relations will find that they are in a probationary period with each other. In other words, the beginning stages of a deal are the period where, if each party has a clue about any of this, they judge each other's attitudes and behaviors and see if they need to bail-out before things get too shitty.
I will take that further and say that the probationary period begins much earlier for a lot of people. I've found it a good idea to begin this process soon after the other party fires a shot across my bow, gets my attention, call it what you will. My experience tells me that the other party judges the shit out of me at these early stages, and that I serve my best interests, and theirs, if I do the same.
So, what are the things I can keep in mind in light of this awareness of the situation? If I have the other parties phone number or other contact information, too many phone calls from my end can kill a deal right away. In general, turning up all the time like a bad penny in their world, whether through phone calls, messaging, or in person kills the deal for a lot of women regarding me. That can be a problem when the other party has a lot to offer in the way of youth and beauty and an overall confidence that can really capture my imagination and really send me off to some Lala Land.
What's are deal killers for me? Okay. Suppose I follow the above rules and don't call too much, don't turn up too much, don't make myself too available in general, take my time, and suppose I show all the respect to the individual that is due them, and then.... they do something to pull the rug out from under me. I think the name for that is "avoidant behavior," and it makes me crazy. Again, if I make it about some really attractive, confident type, and I'm doing all the right things, and things looks as if they are going really well, and then some guy appears on the scene in some way, that's a deal killer. I might not even ask such a person for one date, or their phone number, or email, or nada.
Another thing that makes me crazy involves the demand to jump through their hoops. Again, this falls under avoidant behavior. "How do things ever work out for you if you are not willing to jump through hoops, Rich?" One may ask that, and to that I say; rather than me jumping through hoops, I find the best interactions involve an ever escalating back and forth between myself and the other party. One has to look back on one's own experiences to know the difference between the two, I reckon, but a difference definitely exists.
One may ask, "Rich, suppose your love interest actually DOES read this blog? Aren't you worried that all of this self-conscious ruminating will kill the magic?" No. These days, in a fluid, transitional society such as ours, people entering into any kind of deals that could involve physical intimacy would do well to lay down such ground rules that the other party may easily see and refer back to.
I will take that further and say that the probationary period begins much earlier for a lot of people. I've found it a good idea to begin this process soon after the other party fires a shot across my bow, gets my attention, call it what you will. My experience tells me that the other party judges the shit out of me at these early stages, and that I serve my best interests, and theirs, if I do the same.
So, what are the things I can keep in mind in light of this awareness of the situation? If I have the other parties phone number or other contact information, too many phone calls from my end can kill a deal right away. In general, turning up all the time like a bad penny in their world, whether through phone calls, messaging, or in person kills the deal for a lot of women regarding me. That can be a problem when the other party has a lot to offer in the way of youth and beauty and an overall confidence that can really capture my imagination and really send me off to some Lala Land.
What's are deal killers for me? Okay. Suppose I follow the above rules and don't call too much, don't turn up too much, don't make myself too available in general, take my time, and suppose I show all the respect to the individual that is due them, and then.... they do something to pull the rug out from under me. I think the name for that is "avoidant behavior," and it makes me crazy. Again, if I make it about some really attractive, confident type, and I'm doing all the right things, and things looks as if they are going really well, and then some guy appears on the scene in some way, that's a deal killer. I might not even ask such a person for one date, or their phone number, or email, or nada.
Another thing that makes me crazy involves the demand to jump through their hoops. Again, this falls under avoidant behavior. "How do things ever work out for you if you are not willing to jump through hoops, Rich?" One may ask that, and to that I say; rather than me jumping through hoops, I find the best interactions involve an ever escalating back and forth between myself and the other party. One has to look back on one's own experiences to know the difference between the two, I reckon, but a difference definitely exists.
One may ask, "Rich, suppose your love interest actually DOES read this blog? Aren't you worried that all of this self-conscious ruminating will kill the magic?" No. These days, in a fluid, transitional society such as ours, people entering into any kind of deals that could involve physical intimacy would do well to lay down such ground rules that the other party may easily see and refer back to.
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