The days of this past week went by in a manner most strange, at least as far as my whole state of being. I find myself so suspicious of states of being, that I would probably never make for a good Buddhist. I talk about following my buddha all the time, but how I feel at any given time doesn't concern me in any universal sense. I try to not fit states of being such as the inner quietude and calm I now tend to feel as of about a week ago into any grander scheme of things. I see that as counting my chickens before they are hatched.
I haven't seen that young woman who used to work at that grocery store in over a year. I don't know if she even lives in Austin anymore. I tried to hunt her down by asking a young woman who resembles her if the young woman knew a girl with her name, and the young woman said she didn't . I don't want to look any further into that by asking anyone at the grocery store about her. I don't want to impose. For all I know, I may never see her again.
BUT, if I were to just go on my intuition alone, if I were to go by how I FEEL, in other words, it's on. Oh yeah, it's on. Like I said, I tend not to trust states of being, but there you are. I encounter people all of the time, some of them I'm kind of acquainted with somehow, some of them I don't recall ever seeing before, and they seem to KNOW something. But I'm no mindreader, you dig. What do they know? I don't think they know anything sinister or bad, but, what is it they know? My deal with the young woman took on, some time back, the same aura of public spectacle it has now. When I pass by the drummer for a band I saw last Friday on the street after her gig, and she looks at me with a slight, wistful, peaceful smile...what the hell?
If things fizzle two or three weeks from now, in other words, if she doesn't show in the coming weeks, I guess I'll remain as much in the dark as I am now. Why were those attractive young woman at that grocery store acting so pissy last November? I thought they wanted me to ask that young woman who kind of resembles that former cashier about her at that young woman's place of employment. I did that, the young woman said she didn't know any girls by that name, and that was that. Huh? If this whole deal fizzles in the coming weeks, it'd be nice if other women I find attractive would take an interest in going out with me, but I'm in no hurry for that.
The last thing I want to do would involve me chasing down shadows. I haven't patronized some of my usual haunts this past week, such as coffee shops, because I want to save money this month. I definitely do not want to break up my discipline by speculating on stuff along the lines of, "Now that I'm not going to the coffee shops, she may have got herself a job at one of them, so I'd better go check that out." That way lies madness. If I wind up dropping the ball in that manner- by failing to chase down some crazy shadow in my mind- me and this young woman may wind up as friends a long time from now anyway.
I haven't seen that young woman who used to work at that grocery store in over a year. I don't know if she even lives in Austin anymore. I tried to hunt her down by asking a young woman who resembles her if the young woman knew a girl with her name, and the young woman said she didn't . I don't want to look any further into that by asking anyone at the grocery store about her. I don't want to impose. For all I know, I may never see her again.
BUT, if I were to just go on my intuition alone, if I were to go by how I FEEL, in other words, it's on. Oh yeah, it's on. Like I said, I tend not to trust states of being, but there you are. I encounter people all of the time, some of them I'm kind of acquainted with somehow, some of them I don't recall ever seeing before, and they seem to KNOW something. But I'm no mindreader, you dig. What do they know? I don't think they know anything sinister or bad, but, what is it they know? My deal with the young woman took on, some time back, the same aura of public spectacle it has now. When I pass by the drummer for a band I saw last Friday on the street after her gig, and she looks at me with a slight, wistful, peaceful smile...what the hell?
If things fizzle two or three weeks from now, in other words, if she doesn't show in the coming weeks, I guess I'll remain as much in the dark as I am now. Why were those attractive young woman at that grocery store acting so pissy last November? I thought they wanted me to ask that young woman who kind of resembles that former cashier about her at that young woman's place of employment. I did that, the young woman said she didn't know any girls by that name, and that was that. Huh? If this whole deal fizzles in the coming weeks, it'd be nice if other women I find attractive would take an interest in going out with me, but I'm in no hurry for that.
The last thing I want to do would involve me chasing down shadows. I haven't patronized some of my usual haunts this past week, such as coffee shops, because I want to save money this month. I definitely do not want to break up my discipline by speculating on stuff along the lines of, "Now that I'm not going to the coffee shops, she may have got herself a job at one of them, so I'd better go check that out." That way lies madness. If I wind up dropping the ball in that manner- by failing to chase down some crazy shadow in my mind- me and this young woman may wind up as friends a long time from now anyway.
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