Richy Vegas - The artwork and music of Richard Alexander
  • Home
  • About Richard Alexander
  • Comic Books
  • Music
  • Art
  • YouTube
  • Blog
  • Contact/Social Media/Patreon

What would I do differently?

1/10/2018

0 Comments

 
I watched the Roky Erikson documentary You're Gonna Miss Me the other night.   One part, where Roky first emerges from years of isolation and untreated schizophrenia, and a therapist asks him if he remembers what he said when she previously asked him what he would have done differently, Roky recalls that he said, "Not a thing!"  Later in the documentary, some more time into Roky's recovery, one of Roky's brothers, Sumner, twists Roky's arm a bit into admitting to regrets about all the drug use.  

If I could change one thing about my adult life, it would regard that decision to "turn my back on love;" I simply didn't take if far enough after I tried it on Sara in 1988.  I was a restless seeker back then, and I suppose I decided, "Well, I learned what I had to learn from that approach with that one girl, now let's try an improved me with this newer approach."   Looking back, I would say to my younger self, "Dude!  No!  Right there!  Turn your back on love.  Over, and over, and over again.  That's it!"  

I don't know if I could have averted the coming grand mal meltdown in 1992.  A couple of years ago a psychiatrist died who posited that those suffering from schizophrenia could "solve" such an illness with the proper application of their intellects.  He came up with this notion in the nineteen-sixties, maybe.  Effective antipsychotics were still in their infancy back then, and such a notion must have appealed to many in light of the bad side effects of many of those early drugs.  I  think it would have been a pretty tall order for me to singlehandedly self-diagnose Love Addiction as my cause for my depressive episodes and subsequent breakdown episodes, and then come up with an completely effective counter-measure that I gleaned all by myself from reading Dr, David Burns, Feeling Good,  so I don't get too bent out of shape about that.

It took years of relative stability on psych meds, and an additional commitment to sobriety many, many years after my initial psych diagnosis, to come up with the Buddha I now follow.  The medication and sobriety provided enough stability to finally get at this problem effectively. 

That said, what now?  I don't know if I'm much able to impress the twenty-two year old waitresses and baristas with this approach, but I am, nonetheless, able to better make intelligent decisions about such creatures in my world.  I asked a  younger female friend in late 2011 if I bothered her with too many phone calls,  She was very attractive, and I adored her, but our deal was mainly platonic.  She didn't even associate me as a guy who called nonstop.  It never seemed to even occur her that I used to be that guy.  That's how much I've changed from the old days.

So, what now?  In the last post I talked about how the "turn my back on love" approach would often lead to pretty decisive courses of actions, rather than ineffectual, arbitrary "limits" such as calling someone only three times a week instead of seven or eight times a week.  A phone call, maybe one more, three's the total limit of an entire deal with someone if no call back.  Often I'll stop at two, or one.  Facebook Friend request not accepted?  Done.  Whatever that entails: done.  I typically don't have these goddess types then come chasing after me after these moves, mind you, but I only have control over my end of it, and so I do.




0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.

    Archives

    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    April 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    August 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    March 2012
    January 2012

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Site Design Lipsting Media | ©2012 Richard Alexander | richyvegas@gmail.com