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What the hell am I doing here anyway?

4/26/2021

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In a lot of my blog posts I refer back to a lot of failed deals for my frame of reference in how I negotiate my way through my current deal.  I just don't have a lot of successes to refer back to, and it seems to me as if the successes I enjoyed in my past stand as a product of their times, while a lot of the failures seem eternal.  Well, if this current deal I find myself in with this young woman at this business whom I can go on and on about turns out a failure, that would hold no surprise for me.

I've found a lot of honor in a lot of the failed deals in my past.  Some of the worst ones had me suffering nervous breakdowns in their wake.  A lot of those deals had me honorably letting my love interest go when I read the writing on the wall.  And well, I've just gotten  better and better at negotiating my way through failed deals.  Remember the Invisible Woman?  That one seems weird, but at one time it seemed very real to me.  Nothing on this blog or anywhere else on the internet or anywhere in the world will come back to haunt me as something I regret in regards to that weirdness.

I've negotiated my way through plenty of failed deals these past eight or nine years, and in the years before, that simply don't compare to the dramas of the eighties and nineties, so I don't talk about them much.  This blog of the past couple of years might just serve as a manual for how Richard Alexander negotiates his way through a monster of a failed deal.  There's honor in negotiating one's way through a failed deal honorably.  If we in our society are relegated to choosing mates through the institution of romantic love, then failed deals will come with the territory for, probably, most of us.  As someone who has diagnosed himself with love addiction, I have a lot of failed romantic love deals to draw on.

On the other hand, I may now find myself in a place I've never been before.  I say that without an ounce of sarcasm, cynicism, or pessimism.  Who am I to come off as sarcastic, cynical, or pessimistic about something I don't feel as if I know a lot about?  Looking back these past however many years, I've sometimes said to myself something along the lines of, "On the other hand, Rich.  This could be an experience that so many people see as one of the greatest experiences in life a person can have, so be ready for that."  So far, no, I've not had one of those experiences when I've had this train of thought going, but I've also not had the crash and burn experiences I've so often brought up on this blog.
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