What am I to her, then?

I wonder if that young woman even reads this blog.  I wonder, sometimes, if she even knows whether it exists.  What if I meet her one day and she discovers that I've written blog entries about her for over two years now, and she totally freaks out and thinks of me as some menacing, transgressive stalker?  I mean, all the impressions I get in my world-not just at the business where she works, but the coffee shops I go to, hell, the streets I walk down on my daily walks-what if my impressions that people in my world actually read what I write here, including this young woman, just resided in my head?  Well, that possibility would mean that I represent nothing to that young woman and that, in turn, would mean that she represents nothing to me, or that she should represent nothing to me.  And you know, we could exist as a subatomic speck on the fingernail of some gigantic creature, and in turn, a whole universe can exist as a subatomic particle on the tip of my fingernail, but I digress.

I guess the idea that she doesn't even know this blog exists, nor my, good god, ever-burning torch for her-sorry, nothing I can do about it, as far as I know- the idea that she doesn't even know about this stuff exists as a possibility, I guess.  That would mean my decision to refrain from patronizing this business at the times I knew her to work there would mean nothing to her, either.  Well, then I wouldn't feel so bad about potentially abandoning her and forsaking her.  I would never have to second guess my decision to refrain from patronizing this business at the times I knew her to work there.

Then my statement in my last post about how I still think about her all the time and still care for her a great deal would resemble a tree that falls in the forest with no one to hear.  But I would bet at least even money on the idea that she does read this blog, and she does know that I care for her a great deal, and that I can now ride off into the sunset and not worry that she never knew of my feelings for her.  I still know very little about her, you see.  I don't even know her last name.  My friend that I mentioned early last year that worked there at the time hasn't seemed to work there in a long while.  I would bet even money that this blog can communicate significant things from me to this young woman, and represents a significant part of our deal, and that she knows that my heart stays with her, no matter her current life circumstances, or whether I show up at her place of employment at a time when she works there.     Things seem okay, from what I can tell, but I still know very little about her end of it.