In 1986 I fixated on "Donna" and freaked a bunch of friends and acquaintances out. I had a psychotic episode at Suckmeat Muldoon's party where I got the impression most of the guests knew what was going on with me and didn't like what I was trying to do.
In 1987 the fallout from that episode- I guess I'm being vague, but I have a point in being vague- the fallout from that psychotic episode led to further ostracism at my UT- Austin art school. Nowadays I have the impression that someone from that clique of friends and acquaintances in 1986 was shooting their mouth off at the school in, perhaps, more than just a verbal way.
In 1989 the fallout from THAT episode, namely, the ostracism and shabby treatment I experienced at the art school, led to a psychotic episode at Dickbag McNuttsack's wedding during the Summer. Oh, before that, there was the experience with Myrna at G/M Steakhouse in the Winter of 1989.
The ostracism continued at SVA and helped lead me to another psychotic episode in the late Fall of 1990. In the Spring of 1991, word seemed to leak out about what had been going on in Austin the previous years.
When I got back from grad school in 1991, I faced a social world in Austin where Jim had been shooting his mouth off about my past the whole time i was gone. I had a grand mal psychotic episode in the Summer of 1992 that led to my hospitalization, treatment, and diagnosis of schizophrenia.
In 1996, about a year and a half after my stabilization on medications, I experienced another attempt from a group of people to ostracize me yet again. That time I had more on the ball, and men who were acquainted with me back then always seem to be really happy to see me even to this day.
In 1999 I had another incident occur connected to my job at Rhythm House. I did not handle that one so well, and I had to live down further attempts to ostracize me up until about, well, it's hard to say if that one is over yet.
Nowadays, we've got the biggest blabbermouth of all to contend with; the internet. Lord only knows if there is something going on between myself and people in my world due to that, and I don't just mean what ever I write on this blog.
The vibe I got from all of those experiences was that my crimes were not all that bad, but rather the people doing all the ostracizing got off on the power they had over me. In recent posts, I talked about someone who might still have issues from my past. I don't mean to dismiss or minimize what ever it is they went through, but it seems like there might be more constructive ways of dealing with me, dealing with their pain, etc., than to try to coerce some kind of virtuous action out of me through the means they may have tried to coerce said virtuous actions. Mainly, trying to set me up and trying to disseminate one side of a story so that I will have this stuff coming from all sides.
What if I don't feel like being coerced? What if I just let this stuff go on, and on, and on, and on? What if I'm not too concerned about coming across a some kind of a great guy about all of this shit? I check my mailboxes every day for anything from a party who might enlighten me as to what the hell might be going on. Just because I haven't heard from anyone doesn't mean there isn't anything going on.
Last week I thought, "Let's try all of this again without a love interest, and see how that goes." In last week's posts I talked about a young woman at a business whom I believed to have started in on me a couple of Fridays ago. She seems like an especially piss-poor choice for a love interest. In these situations, I was just never their guy, even in the days when we didn't have, like, thirty years difference in our ages. So, don't go out of my way to be some great guy about all of this, and ditch that crappy love interest. If I go somewhere and a black guy calls me "the man with the plan," I'll eat my hat.
In 1987 the fallout from that episode- I guess I'm being vague, but I have a point in being vague- the fallout from that psychotic episode led to further ostracism at my UT- Austin art school. Nowadays I have the impression that someone from that clique of friends and acquaintances in 1986 was shooting their mouth off at the school in, perhaps, more than just a verbal way.
In 1989 the fallout from THAT episode, namely, the ostracism and shabby treatment I experienced at the art school, led to a psychotic episode at Dickbag McNuttsack's wedding during the Summer. Oh, before that, there was the experience with Myrna at G/M Steakhouse in the Winter of 1989.
The ostracism continued at SVA and helped lead me to another psychotic episode in the late Fall of 1990. In the Spring of 1991, word seemed to leak out about what had been going on in Austin the previous years.
When I got back from grad school in 1991, I faced a social world in Austin where Jim had been shooting his mouth off about my past the whole time i was gone. I had a grand mal psychotic episode in the Summer of 1992 that led to my hospitalization, treatment, and diagnosis of schizophrenia.
In 1996, about a year and a half after my stabilization on medications, I experienced another attempt from a group of people to ostracize me yet again. That time I had more on the ball, and men who were acquainted with me back then always seem to be really happy to see me even to this day.
In 1999 I had another incident occur connected to my job at Rhythm House. I did not handle that one so well, and I had to live down further attempts to ostracize me up until about, well, it's hard to say if that one is over yet.
Nowadays, we've got the biggest blabbermouth of all to contend with; the internet. Lord only knows if there is something going on between myself and people in my world due to that, and I don't just mean what ever I write on this blog.
The vibe I got from all of those experiences was that my crimes were not all that bad, but rather the people doing all the ostracizing got off on the power they had over me. In recent posts, I talked about someone who might still have issues from my past. I don't mean to dismiss or minimize what ever it is they went through, but it seems like there might be more constructive ways of dealing with me, dealing with their pain, etc., than to try to coerce some kind of virtuous action out of me through the means they may have tried to coerce said virtuous actions. Mainly, trying to set me up and trying to disseminate one side of a story so that I will have this stuff coming from all sides.
What if I don't feel like being coerced? What if I just let this stuff go on, and on, and on, and on? What if I'm not too concerned about coming across a some kind of a great guy about all of this shit? I check my mailboxes every day for anything from a party who might enlighten me as to what the hell might be going on. Just because I haven't heard from anyone doesn't mean there isn't anything going on.
Last week I thought, "Let's try all of this again without a love interest, and see how that goes." In last week's posts I talked about a young woman at a business whom I believed to have started in on me a couple of Fridays ago. She seems like an especially piss-poor choice for a love interest. In these situations, I was just never their guy, even in the days when we didn't have, like, thirty years difference in our ages. So, don't go out of my way to be some great guy about all of this, and ditch that crappy love interest. If I go somewhere and a black guy calls me "the man with the plan," I'll eat my hat.
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