A couple of posts ago I talked about a movie I'd just seen titled, Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far On Foot, A key dramatic element in this biography of John Callahan has him working the ninth of twelve steps as an Alcoholics Anonymous member. The ninth step is the one where the alcoholic makes amends to those he or she had harmed. In the movie, we see a list of people on John's notepad, and as he does stuff like return a shirt he stole from a store, reconcile with his adopted parents, and ask the guy for forgiveness whom John let drive his car while drunk, resulting in John's paralysis, we see John cross these names off of his list.
Fresh from that movie, I wanted to work my version of that scene, but just find one person and ask for her forgiveness. Well, that's kind of cooled. I don't think it's a bad idea to do something along those lines in regards to this person, it's just that I don't have the guidance and prodding of a AA sponsor to help me along, and I've lost my momentum on this one. If I see this person around or see anyone I know to be close to her, I wouldn't rule out some attempt of my part to come to a reconciliation for my behaviors towards this person. I still think it would be a good idea to do this, but I'm in no rush.
The whole gist of my apology would center around what I consider the source of a lot of shit that went down over the years. That is, the idea I had in my head that I needed a love interest nearly all of the time for years and years. The shit would not ALWAYS hit the fan because of this idea, but the shit did indeed hit the fan often enough. I also want to emphasize that I wasn't just playing to some nameless void when I did this stuff. There were real people who made decisions that weren't that great in reaction to my entreaties, but the whole love interest thing on my part seemed to be what got the whole thing rolling.
I guess I can come off as pretty intense. I wonder if Beethoven had similar problems? Women considered him pretty horrible, from what I can tell. My solution for this problem seems to have evolved into just kind of moving along. Whether that is the right solution or not, it seems a rather definitive solution for any attractive women who have any worries about being the focus of my intensity. Wow, Beethoven. Maybe I'll try to write an opera or a symphony about ol' Fuckface.
Fresh from that movie, I wanted to work my version of that scene, but just find one person and ask for her forgiveness. Well, that's kind of cooled. I don't think it's a bad idea to do something along those lines in regards to this person, it's just that I don't have the guidance and prodding of a AA sponsor to help me along, and I've lost my momentum on this one. If I see this person around or see anyone I know to be close to her, I wouldn't rule out some attempt of my part to come to a reconciliation for my behaviors towards this person. I still think it would be a good idea to do this, but I'm in no rush.
The whole gist of my apology would center around what I consider the source of a lot of shit that went down over the years. That is, the idea I had in my head that I needed a love interest nearly all of the time for years and years. The shit would not ALWAYS hit the fan because of this idea, but the shit did indeed hit the fan often enough. I also want to emphasize that I wasn't just playing to some nameless void when I did this stuff. There were real people who made decisions that weren't that great in reaction to my entreaties, but the whole love interest thing on my part seemed to be what got the whole thing rolling.
I guess I can come off as pretty intense. I wonder if Beethoven had similar problems? Women considered him pretty horrible, from what I can tell. My solution for this problem seems to have evolved into just kind of moving along. Whether that is the right solution or not, it seems a rather definitive solution for any attractive women who have any worries about being the focus of my intensity. Wow, Beethoven. Maybe I'll try to write an opera or a symphony about ol' Fuckface.
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