So she has only one check again in her plus column, no longer two. I took that second check away due to my belief that the former cashier and her confederates just sought to tie me up in knots and leave me in a permanent state of emotional paralysis over her. If I actually believed this person cared for me, such a scheme might have a chance of working.
However, I find myself free of any encumbrances due to any erroneous beliefs that such a person ever, ever cared for me in the slightest. I see this latest effort, should that which I perceive have any basis in reality; I see this last effort as a response to how I took her ass to school in October of 2021, and rang the school day over when I stepped away from patronizing her place of employment at about this time last year. I guess some people don't like being made to look like total assholes.
If my words sound harshly derisive of a person who may, after all, care for me quite a bit, I think nine out of ten guys with my levels of experience with women in general at my age and my level of intelligence would come to the same conclusions I come to about her. That tenth guy who believes, somehow, that such a person actually cares for him would either prove an extremely gifted, wise keeper of a mutual flame that somehow exists in spite of all the apparent evidence, or such an individual would prove themselves a totally deluded fool. No in between for a guy who somehow believed that someone such as that former cashier in that grocery store mutually cared for him.
Nope, the belief that I cared for her a great deal, but that she never cared for me, strikes me as the most well reasoned interpretation of just about all that went on between us. Her apparent belief that such a dynamic makes me inferior to her in some way, and that she and her buddies can callously exploit that dynamic to achieve the final victory over me, constitutes a level a fascistic thinking I can only label as the product of a truly warped, emotionally crippled psyche.
Do my words serve to shoot myself in the foot? Maybe, but consider this; if I come to understand that this person truly, actually cared for me and still cares for me, that would constitute the FIRST TIME in the four years this bullshit's been going on that I would receive an overt, unambiguous affirmation from this person that such feelings and desires for me on her part even existed at all. That does not seem likely.
However, I find myself free of any encumbrances due to any erroneous beliefs that such a person ever, ever cared for me in the slightest. I see this latest effort, should that which I perceive have any basis in reality; I see this last effort as a response to how I took her ass to school in October of 2021, and rang the school day over when I stepped away from patronizing her place of employment at about this time last year. I guess some people don't like being made to look like total assholes.
If my words sound harshly derisive of a person who may, after all, care for me quite a bit, I think nine out of ten guys with my levels of experience with women in general at my age and my level of intelligence would come to the same conclusions I come to about her. That tenth guy who believes, somehow, that such a person actually cares for him would either prove an extremely gifted, wise keeper of a mutual flame that somehow exists in spite of all the apparent evidence, or such an individual would prove themselves a totally deluded fool. No in between for a guy who somehow believed that someone such as that former cashier in that grocery store mutually cared for him.
Nope, the belief that I cared for her a great deal, but that she never cared for me, strikes me as the most well reasoned interpretation of just about all that went on between us. Her apparent belief that such a dynamic makes me inferior to her in some way, and that she and her buddies can callously exploit that dynamic to achieve the final victory over me, constitutes a level a fascistic thinking I can only label as the product of a truly warped, emotionally crippled psyche.
Do my words serve to shoot myself in the foot? Maybe, but consider this; if I come to understand that this person truly, actually cared for me and still cares for me, that would constitute the FIRST TIME in the four years this bullshit's been going on that I would receive an overt, unambiguous affirmation from this person that such feelings and desires for me on her part even existed at all. That does not seem likely.
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