Back in the day, after I would let go of someone such as Donna or Gwen, I would tell myself that letting go of such women in an acceptable manner would really raise my stock with other women, and that I could rebound with a real girlfriend for my efforts at such acceptable behavior. Well, one of the worst experiences I've ever had in my relationship with women occurred in the aftermath of my efforts to let go of Donna in the Fall of 1986. That bad experience came in the form of Wanda. So much for cashing in.
I had a friend who related to his girlfriends in the manner of an abusive alcoholic asshole, and he'd have girlfriends rewarding him for his efforts sometimes two at a time. And, I might add, these "rewards" aren't just something one could put off on women, because I used to associate with someone whose ongoing infidelity towards her husband got rewarded with a long, stable marriage, a roof over her head, and kids.
So, if I ever had the occasion where I saw fit to let go of someone in my world, and I wanted to do so in a manner that she and those around us found acceptable, I'd set up a token reward system rather than try to look for validation for my behavior from other women in my world. I give myself token rewards for behaving in an acceptable manner towards family members, and for meeting goals such as regular guitar practice and exercise, among other things. I find that these kinds of rewards, coming from myself, prove so much more reliable than affirmation and/or validation from others in my purview.
I had a friend who related to his girlfriends in the manner of an abusive alcoholic asshole, and he'd have girlfriends rewarding him for his efforts sometimes two at a time. And, I might add, these "rewards" aren't just something one could put off on women, because I used to associate with someone whose ongoing infidelity towards her husband got rewarded with a long, stable marriage, a roof over her head, and kids.
So, if I ever had the occasion where I saw fit to let go of someone in my world, and I wanted to do so in a manner that she and those around us found acceptable, I'd set up a token reward system rather than try to look for validation for my behavior from other women in my world. I give myself token rewards for behaving in an acceptable manner towards family members, and for meeting goals such as regular guitar practice and exercise, among other things. I find that these kinds of rewards, coming from myself, prove so much more reliable than affirmation and/or validation from others in my purview.
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