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Time for a reality check

9/3/2022

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Okay, so I still have a very attractive, young woman who resides in my day to day world, and I want to know where I really stand with her.  When I initiate a reality check about such a  person, I usually give myself about two weeks to figure things out.  The funny thing about that two week time limit comes from the fact that my line of inquiry usually doesn't last much beyond two or three days, if not just a few hours after initiating the reality check.  In other words, the mere act of imposing a reality check upon my reality usually  marks these love interest scenarios with the kiss of death.  These women typically don't last as love interests for much time after said reality check becomes in full effect.

That young woman who had me vexed for several years, recently, probably constitutes the rare exception to this process.  i imagine I had several reality checks over the years that just didn't hold, and I finally had to just go ahead and invite her to my comic book show, witness her lack of response and engagement afterwards, and only then could I let go of her.  One thing that really distinguishes that young woman of these past years from the current love interest type has to do with the fact that the young woman of the current time PROBABLY does not have any kind of fucked up agenda in regards to me.   The young woman who used to work of that business I still patronize fell under deep, unwavering, suspicion that she totally had some fucked up agenda that had to do with seeing herself on some sort of crusade for womankind or some such shit as that.

This girl now.  No way.  She has, to the best of my abilities to perceive her intent, absolutely no desire to engage with me on that level.  Since she probably has no desire to deceive me in that way, her days as a love interest might come down to the next one or two times I find myself around her, and then no more.  If she lasts the whole two or three weeks as a love interest, with no discernible dastardly agenda that I can tell, I guess she would merit a sustained period where I would try to find myself in her presence.  I do like her very much.  

The element that hinders me the most from just approaching her for social reasons resides in the fact that I know her through her place of employment.  I genuinely feel as if I could really put her in a bad position by approaching her for social reasons.  So, that said, I can just kind of show up in her world often enough, and I think I can leave it at that.  Another thing about her that distinguishes her from that last one has to do with the fact that I find her so much more accessible for conversation and pleasant, sustained interaction.

I consider my hands tied in approaching her for dates and whatnot, though.  Maybe she feels the same way about me.  I think her overall accessibility as someone to be around and talk to will help our deal, even if nothing goes any further because we both feel constrained from further engagement.  She definitely has other options for her social life and whom she can pick to have in it, and you know what, maybe I do too.   
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