I had a date in December 2015 where, as I sat and talked to the girl, she smirked and said, "I don't compete for men." A week or two earlier, before that first date, she said the same thing to me over the phone. I could hear her smirking through the phone when she said, "I don't compete for men." Mind you, this young woman found herself severely compromised by drug addiction and the ever-present specter of homelessness at this time, but she felt as if she could say that kind of thing to me, TWICE. That was our one and only date.
I've said it before: ANY attractive woman who makes it AT ALL about me should know that they have to compete with the life I've built up as a single man. I don't go on many dates. I don't have many opportunities with women. I've spent much of my adult life actually shunned and ostracized by many of the women around me. This resting state of being for my life compelled me to work on areas of my life such as my health, my art, and my music. I really had no choice but to build up a life without girlfriends, or dates, or sex partners that I nonetheless found meaningful and fulfilling.
So when ANY woman I have an attraction to, even a woman I think about all the time, lets me know that they don't think they have to vie for my attentions or affections to a degree that they've likely felt compelled to put forth for other men they've liked, I've found myself having to educate these women as to the fact of the matter. I want to try to do it the nice way by writing this out on this blog. Any woman I think about a lot is probably someone I like A LOT. I want to try it the nice way this time, and try to give anyone out there a full on heads up.
ANYONE who treats this heads up as a bluff or any other gesture not worth taking seriously, well, that person probably does not, by default, offer viable competition to the life I have built up for myself as a single man, fifty-eight years old, with a major mental illness. A man who has quit smoking, drinking, and drugs; who takes his psychiatric medicine as prescribed and makes sure to get plenty of rest and exercise; is working on the TWENTY-SEVENTH issue of an eighty page comic book; AND currently works on his SIXTH solo musical documentation of his songwriting in full-length album form. These accomplishments help give me a great deal of pride and self-confidence that I can soldier on by myself if I detect an attitude I can't do anything with, even from someone I like A LOT.
I may think about someone I like a lot, A LOT, but how I process this fact, and the decisions I make as a result of my thoughts about such a fact, reflect a hell of a lot more autonomy in my emotions and behavior than many, many women seemed prepared for over the years. Don't misunderstand me, autonomy is a good thing. I can look out for my love interest's best interests a lot better with it than without it. And I will.