I will now recall a fellow student at UT art school named Julie Dunbar whom I had dealings with in 1984 through 1985, primarily. Julie had a stunning face and very nice figure. She had a way of flirtatiously interacting with an admiring, young, inexperienced guys like myself that, though probably born of a great deal of self-consciousness, made me feel as if she were in on a joke, and the joke was on me. Maddening! I mean by flirtatious interactions mainly little things such as a wave in the hall as we passed each other or the way she said, "Richahd."
The way that one played out compelled me to take an unfortunate lesson away from the experience. Things got heated between myself and Julie in the Spring of 1985 when I decided to just go ahead and ask her out even though she had a serious boyfriend. She reacted snottily to my invitation to a date and I, predicting this, had a smartass rejoinder to her scornful reply.
So, things remained chilly between myself and Julie until the Summer of 1985, when I tripped on ecstasy one Saturday night and went to a dance club by myself. I saw Julie and a two girlfriends of hers, each whom I had a little bit of history with as well. That time in the club that night saw me jumping out of my skin, pacing around, generally very restless and uncomfortable. I decided to bite the bullet and try to talk to Julie and one of those girls. A couple of weeks later, I saw Julie outside of another dance club, and it was back to, "Richahd!"-a definite improvement.
The unfortunate lesson I took away from that experience came from the idea that super-niceness towards women such as Julie worked somehow. I set about trying to do this same kind of thing with women from there on, and the results did not meet my expectations, to say the least. The nervous breakdowns and overall trauma just went on and on and on.
A breakthrough came in my dealings with Sara in the Spring of 1988. I've gone over this one episode many, many times, but to the newer reader, I decided to just allow for the possibility that Sara could not work out. I gave myself permission to "turn my back on love" and just let it all go if it came to that. I didn't experience any breakdown episode in regards to Sara when I let her go, initially. The breakdowns came when, in the Spring of 1990, while I attended SVA in New York City, I came to the conclusion that I'd made a terrible mistake in letting Sara go. I tried to make up for my "mistake" in my pursuits of Gwen and Ann Marie while still attending SVA, and Jenna in Austin after I graduated and returned. I had a breakdown after I let go of of Gwen, and my grand mal psychotic breakdown after I let go of Jenna.
It took a long time for me to realize that my initial approach towards the Sara dilemma, the decision in 1988 to "turn my back on love," was not too bad an approach after all. I came to this conclusion in 2012, after several years of sobriety born of an intense desire to improve my relationship with women.
So, here I sit, and yet another high-maintenance twenty-something year old girl sits on my docket. Well, if I had to choose between my approaches toward Julie Dunbar or Sara, I'd choose my approach towards Sara as the way to go with this one, and so I have. Yeah, it's a lot like that Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day, where the Bill Murray character has to relive the same day over and over and over until he gets it right with the female lead, played by Andie Macdowell. Yeah, it's like that Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day, except the female lead is not a single, individual, beautiful but relatively sane woman a la Andie MacDowell, but rather a succession of different women who all may have, 'ahem,' issues of their own.
Here's the kicker, I could see handling future dilemmas with future high-maintenance twenty-something year old girls in pretty much the same manner I'm handling this current dilemma. I could see using this same approach, just letting this person go to the best of my ability, with very young, very attractive women when I'm sixty, sixty-three, sixty-seven-as long as young women such as this one I go on about still want to fool with the likes of me- I can see doing pretty much the same kinds of things with such a person.
The way that one played out compelled me to take an unfortunate lesson away from the experience. Things got heated between myself and Julie in the Spring of 1985 when I decided to just go ahead and ask her out even though she had a serious boyfriend. She reacted snottily to my invitation to a date and I, predicting this, had a smartass rejoinder to her scornful reply.
So, things remained chilly between myself and Julie until the Summer of 1985, when I tripped on ecstasy one Saturday night and went to a dance club by myself. I saw Julie and a two girlfriends of hers, each whom I had a little bit of history with as well. That time in the club that night saw me jumping out of my skin, pacing around, generally very restless and uncomfortable. I decided to bite the bullet and try to talk to Julie and one of those girls. A couple of weeks later, I saw Julie outside of another dance club, and it was back to, "Richahd!"-a definite improvement.
The unfortunate lesson I took away from that experience came from the idea that super-niceness towards women such as Julie worked somehow. I set about trying to do this same kind of thing with women from there on, and the results did not meet my expectations, to say the least. The nervous breakdowns and overall trauma just went on and on and on.
A breakthrough came in my dealings with Sara in the Spring of 1988. I've gone over this one episode many, many times, but to the newer reader, I decided to just allow for the possibility that Sara could not work out. I gave myself permission to "turn my back on love" and just let it all go if it came to that. I didn't experience any breakdown episode in regards to Sara when I let her go, initially. The breakdowns came when, in the Spring of 1990, while I attended SVA in New York City, I came to the conclusion that I'd made a terrible mistake in letting Sara go. I tried to make up for my "mistake" in my pursuits of Gwen and Ann Marie while still attending SVA, and Jenna in Austin after I graduated and returned. I had a breakdown after I let go of of Gwen, and my grand mal psychotic breakdown after I let go of Jenna.
It took a long time for me to realize that my initial approach towards the Sara dilemma, the decision in 1988 to "turn my back on love," was not too bad an approach after all. I came to this conclusion in 2012, after several years of sobriety born of an intense desire to improve my relationship with women.
So, here I sit, and yet another high-maintenance twenty-something year old girl sits on my docket. Well, if I had to choose between my approaches toward Julie Dunbar or Sara, I'd choose my approach towards Sara as the way to go with this one, and so I have. Yeah, it's a lot like that Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day, where the Bill Murray character has to relive the same day over and over and over until he gets it right with the female lead, played by Andie Macdowell. Yeah, it's like that Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day, except the female lead is not a single, individual, beautiful but relatively sane woman a la Andie MacDowell, but rather a succession of different women who all may have, 'ahem,' issues of their own.
Here's the kicker, I could see handling future dilemmas with future high-maintenance twenty-something year old girls in pretty much the same manner I'm handling this current dilemma. I could see using this same approach, just letting this person go to the best of my ability, with very young, very attractive women when I'm sixty, sixty-three, sixty-seven-as long as young women such as this one I go on about still want to fool with the likes of me- I can see doing pretty much the same kinds of things with such a person.
RSS Feed
