Back in the 90's I worked in a restaurant with Zac and David. A girl I call Snolly worked there too. When she started working there, she would smile nicely as I passed by her in the kitchen. One day I stared intently at her as she walked by, and it spooked her. She went on to date a guy who worked there, and she had a problem with me from then on as well.
After I quit working at that restaurant, I tried to talk to Snolly at a party around Halloween time. She walked off before I could talk to her. Later that night, as I sat in a room full of people who still worked at that restaurant, I brought up something that happened between James and I while I experienced a blackout drunk at his house in September. I said to James that he had insulted my honor when he accused me of raping that girl I met at the Cannibal Club in 1989. My current comic book series explores that time and all the mental illness stuff of it.
Soon after that gathering in that room full of restaurant employees, I suspected a guy named Lane of playing games with me. I suspected that it centered around Snolly, who was not dating anyone at the time, and how he, Lane, attempted to build her up as a bogus love interest for me. He would say stuff like, "One good turn deserves another," to the guy who'd just broken up with Snolly as we sat at a table at Trudy's. I remember one scene, I think it was in Brian De Palma's Scarface, where Lane said, "He got the girl," as Pacino's gangster character treats Michelle Pfeiffer badly. My memory comes up fuzzy as to what exactly went on the in movie, but I interpreted Lane's remark as a remark directed at me.
I talked to my therapist about this issue, and told him that I would just come out and ask Lane if he knew of any girls at the restaurant that liked me. My therapist thought highly of that idea, so I tried it. Lane said he didn't know of anyone at the restaurant that liked me when I called him a day or so later.
A year later, at a Halloween party, I saw Snolly. I talked to her a little, and then walked to the store to buy cigarettes. When I came back she had left. The next day i saw David at the video store, and he seemed real glad to see me. David was a real handsome, nice guy who had the kind of platonic friendship with Snolly where I once saw her sit on his lap at the Hole in the Wall. I asked David years later if he'd ever dated Snolly, and he said no. Zac had a platonic friendship with her as well.
I thought about those two, and the access they could enjoy to someone like Snolly. I thought about how I should aspire to that level of comfort with attractive women. I envied their access. Then I thought, you know, Zac and David never, ever had to make the kinds of intelligent decisions about the Snollys of the world that I have to make on a regular basis. They just didn't have to deal with the cruelty of anyone who saw them as some kind of major bad guy type. I feel like I've had to come a lot further, and overcome a lot of things in order to enjoy whatever improvements in my relationship with women that I enjoy these days.
After I quit working at that restaurant, I tried to talk to Snolly at a party around Halloween time. She walked off before I could talk to her. Later that night, as I sat in a room full of people who still worked at that restaurant, I brought up something that happened between James and I while I experienced a blackout drunk at his house in September. I said to James that he had insulted my honor when he accused me of raping that girl I met at the Cannibal Club in 1989. My current comic book series explores that time and all the mental illness stuff of it.
Soon after that gathering in that room full of restaurant employees, I suspected a guy named Lane of playing games with me. I suspected that it centered around Snolly, who was not dating anyone at the time, and how he, Lane, attempted to build her up as a bogus love interest for me. He would say stuff like, "One good turn deserves another," to the guy who'd just broken up with Snolly as we sat at a table at Trudy's. I remember one scene, I think it was in Brian De Palma's Scarface, where Lane said, "He got the girl," as Pacino's gangster character treats Michelle Pfeiffer badly. My memory comes up fuzzy as to what exactly went on the in movie, but I interpreted Lane's remark as a remark directed at me.
I talked to my therapist about this issue, and told him that I would just come out and ask Lane if he knew of any girls at the restaurant that liked me. My therapist thought highly of that idea, so I tried it. Lane said he didn't know of anyone at the restaurant that liked me when I called him a day or so later.
A year later, at a Halloween party, I saw Snolly. I talked to her a little, and then walked to the store to buy cigarettes. When I came back she had left. The next day i saw David at the video store, and he seemed real glad to see me. David was a real handsome, nice guy who had the kind of platonic friendship with Snolly where I once saw her sit on his lap at the Hole in the Wall. I asked David years later if he'd ever dated Snolly, and he said no. Zac had a platonic friendship with her as well.
I thought about those two, and the access they could enjoy to someone like Snolly. I thought about how I should aspire to that level of comfort with attractive women. I envied their access. Then I thought, you know, Zac and David never, ever had to make the kinds of intelligent decisions about the Snollys of the world that I have to make on a regular basis. They just didn't have to deal with the cruelty of anyone who saw them as some kind of major bad guy type. I feel like I've had to come a lot further, and overcome a lot of things in order to enjoy whatever improvements in my relationship with women that I enjoy these days.
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