It looks as if things didn't go my way in regards to this young woman at this business I go on and on about. I really don't want to go into it anymore than that. What to do now? In the Fall of 1986, things really didn't go my way in regards to Donna. I fixated on Donna all throughout the Summer of 1986, and I looked forward to seeing her at a party at some friends' house in September. Donna had flirted once with me in June, and I took that occasion as a sign that I should make it all about her from thereon. Donna had a boyfriend, and I fancied myself as a rival for her affections.
My fixation on Donna seemed to freak people out. My reputation seemed to proceed me at that party, and it seemed as if a number of the guests lay in wait for me. I walked by Donna at one point, and she scowled at me. Moments later a girl I'd met the previous weekend, Wanda, came up and laughed in my face, twice. Several other people performed similar acts of scorn and derision towards me that all seemed to drive the point home that I was some sort of loser, dangerous person, etc. Looking back, I considered my time at that party a psychotic episode.
The next weekend I saw Donna at another party with her boyfriend. I walked up to her and introduced myself and I asked if she'd seen a friend of mine recently whom I worried about etc. I played it all off as if I barely knew her and all of that. I said how nice it was to talk to her and took my leave of her.
This gesture seemed to resonate amongst my peers who so gleefully heaped serious scorn and contempt on me at the party at their house along with guests such as Wanda and Dennis, etc. People seemed surprised and somewhat chastened by my gesture. Wanda seemed to take a romantic interest in me. It really seemed as if I'd managed to "cash in" and turn things around to my advantage.
My experience in trying to date Wanda became one of the worst dating experiences I've ever had. During the early months of 1987, Wanda basically pretended to be my girlfriend while having a boyfriend she didn't tell that group of friends about. I think the live-in girlfriend of one of those guys knew about Wanda's boyfriend, but I guess they both figured that Wanda was doing me a favor with the attention she did give me. Anyway, crude sexual proposition by me towards Wanda after several weeks where the heavy makeout sessions with her went nowhere.
So, in regards to this young woman at this business whom I can go on and on about on this blog, what to do now? In my past I've had several experiences similar to the experience involving Donna, where I wondered if I could cash in on a good handling of the situation. I've never really had the ability to cash in on such an episode. So, what do I do about where I find myself in regards to this young woman at this business? Super-niceness seems out as a way to relate to her now. Should I come off as angry? How about hurt? Should i come off as nasty to her?
In previous posts I've talked about how the way I relate to one woman I have an attraction to can seem to spill over in how I relate to another woman I have an attraction to. It seems spiritual this way. During my high school years, my obsessive weirdness towards one girl would show up in another way to another girl. In the aftermath to my super-niceness towards Donna, my tendency to try way too hard to connect on some level with individual young women showed itself in less than beneficial ways to other women during that Fall of 1986 semester. I won't go into detail, but it wasn't good.
So, though I may not have any ability to cash in on the outcome between myself and this young woman at this business whom I can go on and on about, I can try to demonstrate a desire to regard her in a spiritual way in relation to other women in my world. In a couple of my posts from earlier this year I talked about a young woman named Daria and how she gave me her email address last year. I last sent Daria one email last November or December. Since Daria never replied to that one email, I haven't written her since. I have no desire to show more persistence with Daria or anyone else.
I think how I related to Daria can serve as an example of how I relate to other women in my world; from waitresses and baristas of businesses I patronize, to women I meet online somehow, to female comics artists I send a book to, to this young woman whom I can go on and on about in this blog, to other young, attractive female employees at this business where this young woman works. Again, not to try to cash in, which is up to the women out there to allow for that sort of thing, and therefore out of my control, but more to just not let my insecurities get the better of me and to try to relate to the women in my world in a more even handed, spiritual way.