I've become a lot better at being able to tell when someone I know is lying to me, men or women. A lot of higher functioning skills many many people seem to take for granted and don't have to think much about are ones that I have absolutely had to learn through many painful experiences. When a woman is representing herself as something she is not; in other words, representing herself as available and interested in me in some way when she is not, and my ability to detect that this is going on before the shit hits the fan; that is a skill I pretty much had to teach myself, with no guidance from parents or other friends or family members. Some friends have been helpful, mainly the ones who refrained from telling me how they were right and I was wrong when I described scenarios that were going down and what I thought was happening and where I thought the other party was really coming from.
But yeah, I think a guy who regularly obsesses on individual women on a regular basis is a type of pushover. I find it helpful to talk back to my initial impulse to idealize the very attractive young women who typically inspire this line of thinking. Most of the really attractive women I can get so hung up on are usually also really square, and these are often the types that seem to eagerly play the games I find so hurtful, so they may look perfect, but right there, that is not my ideal at all.
Another thing I've realized is this: these fixations don't last forever. If I just slow everything down and pick my spots, things will play out to my satisfaction. A willingness to face reality is the most helpful thing in this kind of ordeal. These unavailable woman deals I find myself in don't seem to last much longer than four months these days before the big reveal. I try to do as little as possible about it, knowing pretty well that a big reveal, that this person was not what they seemed to be in some part of my brain, could be in the offing.
The biggest difference since 2012 for me has been the revival of the "What If I Turned My Back On Love?" experiment that I tried just one time previously in 1988. The post, "I'm not bad," from January 2016 goes into detail about that first experiment. This approach really makes the coping skills I've mentioned; learning how to not idealize someone, not doing much at all when a fixation does go down, and a willingness to let a supposed opportunity slip through my fingers; I can really put these coping skills into play when I just kind of fling this love bullshit right back at these trolls and let them know right off that they can go fuck themselves with that shit at first whiff.
Right now I'm just liking the fact that I'm not at all interested in finding a love interest from amongst the women in my world. That seems to be where a lot of that bullshit starts. I don't seem to have the ability to change the ways of the world, so I just try to concentrate on what I can change in myself.
But yeah, I think a guy who regularly obsesses on individual women on a regular basis is a type of pushover. I find it helpful to talk back to my initial impulse to idealize the very attractive young women who typically inspire this line of thinking. Most of the really attractive women I can get so hung up on are usually also really square, and these are often the types that seem to eagerly play the games I find so hurtful, so they may look perfect, but right there, that is not my ideal at all.
Another thing I've realized is this: these fixations don't last forever. If I just slow everything down and pick my spots, things will play out to my satisfaction. A willingness to face reality is the most helpful thing in this kind of ordeal. These unavailable woman deals I find myself in don't seem to last much longer than four months these days before the big reveal. I try to do as little as possible about it, knowing pretty well that a big reveal, that this person was not what they seemed to be in some part of my brain, could be in the offing.
The biggest difference since 2012 for me has been the revival of the "What If I Turned My Back On Love?" experiment that I tried just one time previously in 1988. The post, "I'm not bad," from January 2016 goes into detail about that first experiment. This approach really makes the coping skills I've mentioned; learning how to not idealize someone, not doing much at all when a fixation does go down, and a willingness to let a supposed opportunity slip through my fingers; I can really put these coping skills into play when I just kind of fling this love bullshit right back at these trolls and let them know right off that they can go fuck themselves with that shit at first whiff.
Right now I'm just liking the fact that I'm not at all interested in finding a love interest from amongst the women in my world. That seems to be where a lot of that bullshit starts. I don't seem to have the ability to change the ways of the world, so I just try to concentrate on what I can change in myself.
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