In September 2012 I revived the experiment that I first tried in regards to Sara, a girl I had in an art history class at UT-Austin in 1988. Briefly, I came to the conclusion that my problems with my relationship with women stemmed from love addiction. So, when Sara started letting me know through her actions that she would not just leave me alone, that she would continue to play the role of tease and tormentor, I started a train of thought that began with, 'This girl and all that goes with her may represent a shot at love," and I wound up thinking, "What if I turned my back on love?" In pursuing that line of inquiry, I put Sara and the observers of the situation in the class on notice that I would just let what ever perceived opportunity with her slip through my fingers if push came to shove. Sure enough, on the day of the final, I just let her walk out of the class while I finished the test. At that point I still didn't even know her name.
Taking such a path seemed to sublimate whatever challenges my still-raging hormones posed (I was twenty-three at the time) and allowed for a process of delayed gratification to come into play. I took Summer classes in 1988, where I one day saw Sara looking at a bulletin board as the door of the elevator I rode in opened, I pointed at her, she turned to wave, and just then the door slid shut. I laughed heartily, she then showed up in my painting class one day soon after, and I finally pulled the plug on the whole deal when I cut her loose in August of 1988 after not seeing her for two months and getting some attitude from one of her friends.
I think the whole experience with Sara demonstrated to me and others that I proved trustworthy over the course of time. I never came off as particularly confident. I had no concept of some ultra-sharp, proven-to-work game to lay on Sara or the situation. Whatever interest in me I managed to generate from her stemmed, I believe, from the trust that I managed to inspire in her over the course of several months. Trust that comes from a "relationship", I use quotation marks because I'm not talking about a fully realized, romantic love relationship, just what developed between myself and Sara; trust comes from a "relationship" that one builds over time with another person. I believe that kind of "relationship" can prove hard to fake, should one have an interest in putting something over on another person, because the truth often does come out about someone's actual intentions over the course of an extended period of time.
A guy can tell himself he has all the confidence and pick-up game in the world, and he may actually have that sort of thing going for him, but some women, at least, actually worry about whether such a dude will attack them in some sexually charged or otherwise way if the dude ever saw an opening by which to do such a thing. I had a friend who could pick up a lot women and have sex with them by, if not the first time they ever hung out him, almost certainly by the second time they hung out with him. I think it says more about him that I rejected him after thirty-plus years of friendship than it does about me. I think it also says a lot in general that I would refuse to jump through Jenna's hoops in potentially intimate situations, whereby she would hook up with some other dude a short time later who may have played that game with her; I think it says a lot that Jenna seemed to really like seeing me in the years after things shook out as much as they could possibly shake out between myself and her.
As much as I'd like to carry on with tooting my own horn about matters such as these, I have a point to what I'm writing here. I'm trying to favor that young woman at that one business whom I can go on and on about at length with attention these days. So far things seem okay, but I have to realize that she just may find this extra attention annoying and I may come across as some sort of pest to her. I will try to stay in my lane, so to speak, as much as I can while still favoring her with attention, but there you are. She may wind up hooking up with some guy who has far, far easier social access to her than I do, if she does not already find herself in that kind of arrangement as of this writing. I sometimes feel as a sword hangs over my head in my efforts to get something going with her.
I still really, really like this young woman, and I absolutely want to go out with her and get to know her better than I do now. But if I'm serious about building trust with her, the best way I know how to build that trust involves potentially giving way to the inertia of the situation we find ourselves in with each other, and potentially giving way to how she ultimately wants to conduct her life and how that life might never involve me at all. EVERY damn situation I've ever found myself in with women over the years only improved once I unwittingly let such a process unveil, or, after I became conscious that such a thing could occur, eventually, no matter whatever drama and bullshit preceded it, I would play to the notion that such a process could unveil, given time, if I would just "get out of my own way." That kind of long game can prove hard to play, but if one comes across as a romantically obsessive, mentally ill guy-which, to the best of my knowledge, translates as "bad guy" to a lot of women-and one has tried to make things happen in more conventional ways, then one could do worse than to give such an approach a try.
Taking such a path seemed to sublimate whatever challenges my still-raging hormones posed (I was twenty-three at the time) and allowed for a process of delayed gratification to come into play. I took Summer classes in 1988, where I one day saw Sara looking at a bulletin board as the door of the elevator I rode in opened, I pointed at her, she turned to wave, and just then the door slid shut. I laughed heartily, she then showed up in my painting class one day soon after, and I finally pulled the plug on the whole deal when I cut her loose in August of 1988 after not seeing her for two months and getting some attitude from one of her friends.
I think the whole experience with Sara demonstrated to me and others that I proved trustworthy over the course of time. I never came off as particularly confident. I had no concept of some ultra-sharp, proven-to-work game to lay on Sara or the situation. Whatever interest in me I managed to generate from her stemmed, I believe, from the trust that I managed to inspire in her over the course of several months. Trust that comes from a "relationship", I use quotation marks because I'm not talking about a fully realized, romantic love relationship, just what developed between myself and Sara; trust comes from a "relationship" that one builds over time with another person. I believe that kind of "relationship" can prove hard to fake, should one have an interest in putting something over on another person, because the truth often does come out about someone's actual intentions over the course of an extended period of time.
A guy can tell himself he has all the confidence and pick-up game in the world, and he may actually have that sort of thing going for him, but some women, at least, actually worry about whether such a dude will attack them in some sexually charged or otherwise way if the dude ever saw an opening by which to do such a thing. I had a friend who could pick up a lot women and have sex with them by, if not the first time they ever hung out him, almost certainly by the second time they hung out with him. I think it says more about him that I rejected him after thirty-plus years of friendship than it does about me. I think it also says a lot in general that I would refuse to jump through Jenna's hoops in potentially intimate situations, whereby she would hook up with some other dude a short time later who may have played that game with her; I think it says a lot that Jenna seemed to really like seeing me in the years after things shook out as much as they could possibly shake out between myself and her.
As much as I'd like to carry on with tooting my own horn about matters such as these, I have a point to what I'm writing here. I'm trying to favor that young woman at that one business whom I can go on and on about at length with attention these days. So far things seem okay, but I have to realize that she just may find this extra attention annoying and I may come across as some sort of pest to her. I will try to stay in my lane, so to speak, as much as I can while still favoring her with attention, but there you are. She may wind up hooking up with some guy who has far, far easier social access to her than I do, if she does not already find herself in that kind of arrangement as of this writing. I sometimes feel as a sword hangs over my head in my efforts to get something going with her.
I still really, really like this young woman, and I absolutely want to go out with her and get to know her better than I do now. But if I'm serious about building trust with her, the best way I know how to build that trust involves potentially giving way to the inertia of the situation we find ourselves in with each other, and potentially giving way to how she ultimately wants to conduct her life and how that life might never involve me at all. EVERY damn situation I've ever found myself in with women over the years only improved once I unwittingly let such a process unveil, or, after I became conscious that such a thing could occur, eventually, no matter whatever drama and bullshit preceded it, I would play to the notion that such a process could unveil, given time, if I would just "get out of my own way." That kind of long game can prove hard to play, but if one comes across as a romantically obsessive, mentally ill guy-which, to the best of my knowledge, translates as "bad guy" to a lot of women-and one has tried to make things happen in more conventional ways, then one could do worse than to give such an approach a try.
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