I discovered very soon after I initially quit, that for me at least, it took roughly half the effort to abstain completely from drugs and alcohol that it took to try and maintain a moderate level of consumption. So abstinence was a lot easier for me right off the bat than all those years where I tried to practice moderation. That really set the tone for my "recovery," to use that language. There was not a lot of drama to any of it. Quitting all drugs and all alcohol consumption was a lot easier for me than quitting smoking cigarettes. I mean, by a LOT.
The main reason I quit drugs and alcohol in the first place, was to improve my relationship with women. As regular readers of this blog know by now, that has not been easy at all for me. I would say that coming to terms with my struggle with Love Addiction (a layman's term, I know) has been more along the lines of quitting smoking as far as the degree of difficulty I've had with it.
The other night I remembered a key part of Dr. David Burn's Feeling Good that really hit home. In the section I remembered reading, a woman was having difficulties interacting with her husband in a meaningful way. It may have been that her husband didn't like joining in activities that she wanted him to, and this made her unhappy. Anyway, Dr. Burns counseled this woman, and the reader, that it might be a good idea if she made herself the main person responsible for her happiness. That way she could have a more reliable source of someone providing her with the things and activities that made her life more meaningful.
I thought about that a week ago Friday night when I was trying to talk myself into putting myself out there more for some young woman in my world. I really gave myself a pep talk for the cause of trying to make something happen with this person. Then I thought about the concept outlined in Dr.Burn's book, that one might find a more reliable provider of happiness and fulfillment from oneself than from another person, and I subsequently asked myself, "With that in mind, do I still want to put myself out there more for this young woman in my world?" The answer was no.