This time last year, when I found myself in a situation with someone who really didn't seem to care for me romantically, but I cared for them a great deal, I'd come to some conclusions by then. One conclusion came from debunking any notion that I ever, ever faced a romantic love equivalent of a fight or flight crisis. I'd done that a number of times with this person by then. I just sat down on any anxieties about the situation, and any impulse to act decisively, "Now, dammit," proved not at all worth acting on. She never cared for me, so I could just slow things way, way down to my pace, and make intelligent decisions accordingly. In so doing, I realized the other conclusion. I realized that no time clock existed, either. Our cat and mouse game dragged on for almost three years before I invited her to my comic book sale at my friends' shop last October. My invite still felt spot on as coming at the right time, the right place, for the right reasons, and for the right occasion after all that time had passed since she'd started in on me in February of 2019. It didn't work out, but that just proves my point. She never wanted to go out with me, so I could just slow things way, way down in that regard, and pick my spots, if I so chose to pick any spots. I really feel as if I did all I could in regards to that whole situation.
Now if, someday, I get the impression that someone out there in my world really cares for me- I'm not saying that's the case now, mind you, but, if I do ever get that impression- I bet the same core elements of the above-mentioned situation would hold true. i bet that neither a fight or flight crisis nor a time clock would exist. I seriously doubt someone who really cared for me would ever pressure me in that manner, and that no matter the outcome, she would still care for me. I probably would have to engage in some sort of extremely misguided, deliberate sabotage of our deal to make her not care for me anymore. I've known people who deliberately sabotage their relationships with those around them in some sort of really fucked-up bid for unconditional love. I imagine a huge element of my end of it would actually involve refraining from that sort of behavior to the utmost, and hoping that things might shake out favorably in the absence of such behavior. I'm thinking this stuff up as I go along. I mean, I know that's not all there is to it, but I bet a willingness to let it all go factors in heavily as well, for example. Neither of those two things, no sabotage, a willingness to let go, involves coming on like "Johnny on the spot," so to speak.
Now if, someday, I get the impression that someone out there in my world really cares for me- I'm not saying that's the case now, mind you, but, if I do ever get that impression- I bet the same core elements of the above-mentioned situation would hold true. i bet that neither a fight or flight crisis nor a time clock would exist. I seriously doubt someone who really cared for me would ever pressure me in that manner, and that no matter the outcome, she would still care for me. I probably would have to engage in some sort of extremely misguided, deliberate sabotage of our deal to make her not care for me anymore. I've known people who deliberately sabotage their relationships with those around them in some sort of really fucked-up bid for unconditional love. I imagine a huge element of my end of it would actually involve refraining from that sort of behavior to the utmost, and hoping that things might shake out favorably in the absence of such behavior. I'm thinking this stuff up as I go along. I mean, I know that's not all there is to it, but I bet a willingness to let it all go factors in heavily as well, for example. Neither of those two things, no sabotage, a willingness to let go, involves coming on like "Johnny on the spot," so to speak.
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