Several posts ago I wrote about telling a friend that I reside in a de facto wild oats phase in regards to my relationship with women. When women do offer themselves to me for sex, it usually comes with little or no strings attached. I don't mind this at all. Back in the day I would shit on this deal more often than I care to recall. I wanted a more serious committed relationship, and often the woman just wanted to give me a shot in the arm. Sometimes I turned such offers down because I wanted to save myself for someone else. I would demonstrate my devotion to my love interest by forsaking all others for them. Yeah, well, one can imagine how those gestures would work out.
I wanted to tell a story about how one such encounter shook out in the way the gal wanted, but enough with stories. I get this kind of shot-in-the-arm deal more often than not, if I get a deal that involves actual intimacy at all. I guess when I'm on my game, I can appeal to a very confident, independent sort, but in the past they would freak out a bit when my obsessive behaviors that resulted from my love addiction problem came out.
The first girl I ever dated, back when I was twenty-one, just said flat out that she wasn't looking for boyfriend. She said this to me up front. At that time, she initiated a path in life for herself where she really got a handle on her issues with love and how she would allow past boyfriends to treat her shabbily. Her statement to me about not really wanting a serious boyfriend just went in one ear and out the other. After out initial periods of intimacy, I kind of took it for granted that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. She didn't let me down too easy when she broke up with me a month after it all started, but having had the experiences I did have with her, I found it easy to let go of her. I subsequently hobbled off to a much more dysfunctional deal afterwards, and I'm still trying to come to terms with my whole decision making processes back then to this day.
These days I've come to understand that any legit deal with a woman starts out with, "Here it is big boy, no strings attached." I don't know if that would ring true in all cases. I mean, I imagine a woman can offer a legitimate deal to a man that involves more commitment up front, but I just don't have enough experience to make those kinds of generalizations. I've just known male friends who would exploit a more needy type of woman whose offer of themselves to such a guy was for the whole love-and-committed- relationship enchilada, and I just don't seem to appeal to those types.
I wanted to end it there, but I now want to go further into the reasons why a no strings attached initial offer seems more legit to me. The main reason such an offer seems more legit involves the notion that one really doesn't know what one may get in a partner until one takes that partner out for a test drive. One can size up a potential partner all day and night, but until that initial encounter takes place, one just doesn't know. If I found someone to my liking through such a process, and the feeling came back mutually, I think, at best, we would then put each other up for a probationary period. A probationary period would consist of a further sizing up of each other, with a "no fault" exit clause if things didn't work out during this period. I can't put a timetable on how long such a period might last, because that would involve further negotiations with said partner. I would guess a period of at least a month or two to see what tendencies in the both of us would shake out. After this initial probationary period, then we could talk about a relationship and all of that.
I wanted to tell a story about how one such encounter shook out in the way the gal wanted, but enough with stories. I get this kind of shot-in-the-arm deal more often than not, if I get a deal that involves actual intimacy at all. I guess when I'm on my game, I can appeal to a very confident, independent sort, but in the past they would freak out a bit when my obsessive behaviors that resulted from my love addiction problem came out.
The first girl I ever dated, back when I was twenty-one, just said flat out that she wasn't looking for boyfriend. She said this to me up front. At that time, she initiated a path in life for herself where she really got a handle on her issues with love and how she would allow past boyfriends to treat her shabbily. Her statement to me about not really wanting a serious boyfriend just went in one ear and out the other. After out initial periods of intimacy, I kind of took it for granted that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. She didn't let me down too easy when she broke up with me a month after it all started, but having had the experiences I did have with her, I found it easy to let go of her. I subsequently hobbled off to a much more dysfunctional deal afterwards, and I'm still trying to come to terms with my whole decision making processes back then to this day.
These days I've come to understand that any legit deal with a woman starts out with, "Here it is big boy, no strings attached." I don't know if that would ring true in all cases. I mean, I imagine a woman can offer a legitimate deal to a man that involves more commitment up front, but I just don't have enough experience to make those kinds of generalizations. I've just known male friends who would exploit a more needy type of woman whose offer of themselves to such a guy was for the whole love-and-committed- relationship enchilada, and I just don't seem to appeal to those types.
I wanted to end it there, but I now want to go further into the reasons why a no strings attached initial offer seems more legit to me. The main reason such an offer seems more legit involves the notion that one really doesn't know what one may get in a partner until one takes that partner out for a test drive. One can size up a potential partner all day and night, but until that initial encounter takes place, one just doesn't know. If I found someone to my liking through such a process, and the feeling came back mutually, I think, at best, we would then put each other up for a probationary period. A probationary period would consist of a further sizing up of each other, with a "no fault" exit clause if things didn't work out during this period. I can't put a timetable on how long such a period might last, because that would involve further negotiations with said partner. I would guess a period of at least a month or two to see what tendencies in the both of us would shake out. After this initial probationary period, then we could talk about a relationship and all of that.
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