Last Fall and Winter I talked about how I had the feeling that I had an internet presence that I did not consent to and could not access without special knowledge of how to see it. Again, it was all on an intuitive level that I sensed this. I still have no evidence that any of those allegations are true. I talked about how I was willing to make amends to the person who felt that I had wronged them so many years ago, and who may have had something to do with this alleged internet presence.
One of the last posts that covered this topic concerned the ex-husband of the aggrieved party. I talked about how I had introduced myself to him at a party that I figured he would attend. I told him that I had a couple of classes with his ex-wife at UT, and that I had a run-in with her back in those days. He kind of chuckled it off and left soon after with his wife.
Anyway, back then I figured that people of the Pocket-Fishrman-and-their-ilk music scene knew about this whole deal-at least that a lot of the women on that scene knew. Last night I felt that maybe they had all either read the books at the library or someone told them what they contained. When I met that woman's ex-husband at that party, I told him about my books at the library, so I speculated that he told his ex-wife about them.
I've got about a month and a half until my fifty-fifth birthday. I've talked about how, in the past, I would get all hung up on upcoming dates and hope beyond all reason that on those dates the Legend of Richy Vegas would manifest itself in the real world, in contrast to the place it now mostly resides; in my head. I often talked about all of the changes I've made over the years to improve my health and the over all quality of my life. I've quit smoking, drinking, drugs, and I really do try to refrain from pursuing unavailable women. The attention I try to pay to diet and exercise is an ongoing project, but one I feel I'm making progress on.
So, in regards to my thoughts on the Legend of Richy Vegas becoming manifest in the real world, I have this to say; to say my life would have no real meaning or purpose if such an event did not come to pass would be tantamount to shitting on all of the changes I've made that I mentioned in the above paragraph. I quit smoking two packs a day over sixteen years ago. Who knows what kind of shape I would be in today- assuming I were still alive. I drank pretty heavily and did more than my fair share of drugs. It's been ten years since I committed to abstinence from all of that.
The times in my life when I really invested in the idea that some date would bring the Legend to life, I don't think I had as much going for me as I do now. In 2000 I really got caught up in those thoughts, and that followed a major disappointment that I detail in issue number 4 of my comic book, "Anita, You're the Reason I'm Not In Prison." Refraining from the pursuit of unavailable women proves as important as any of those other changes, because I'm getting pretty good at dealing with a weird kind of feminine aggression that has bedeviled me for most of my adult life. The changes I've made in all of those areas makes the idea that life will go on in some way that does not involve the Legend becoming manifest a reasonably attractive proposition.