I often write about the occasions in my past where I found myself barking up the wrong tree in regards to my relationship with women. That's a hard tendency to get a grip on and do something about, I've found. It's about like taking up smoking at the age of ten, and then trying to quit at twenty-five or so, because I found myself with little in the way of a viable frame of reference whenever I tried to do something other than bark up the wrong tree.
The best solution came from, again, my approach with Sara in 1988. The whole experiment to turn my back on love, to risk forsaking a person who, for all I knew, loved me in a way I would want them to love me, had the effect of keeping such a person at arm's length. Not so much arm's length in that I would keep that person from getting too close to me, but rather that I would keep myself from trying to get close to them.
What happened with Sara turned quite interesting when she started to engage in the behaviors that would make me crazy while I kept her at an emotional distance. I won't get into examples, but the effect that so many women had on me registered as a sensation of that person pulling the rug out from under me. Things could go along fine for awhile, things in my world seemed nice and reasonable, whatever woman I had an interest in seemed okay after all, and then, BAM, my love interest would bust some move to sabotage our deal.
What I learned from my experience with Sara, that is, the rug coming out from under me experience, is that her behavior towards me did not result from any way I behaved towards her. She had it in mind all along to behave in a shitty manner towards me. Before Sara, I could engage in questionable behaviors myself toward such women while caught up in the drama. With Sara, I watched from a distance while she danced her destructive dance alone.
So, I've learned to keep all women I have an intense attraction to, but who seem to have an agenda with me that has nothing to do with becoming my girlfriend, I've learned to keep those kinds of women at arm's length. Again, arm's length means that I don't try to get close to THEM. Not the other way around.
What happens eventually, I've found, is that the fever breaks one day. It happens suddenly too. After the fever breaks, that is, after the intensity of my attraction to such a woman goes way down, and it happens fast usually, all bets are off. They really, really can conduct their personal affairs in any such a way as they see fit, and I really, really see absolutely no reason why that would concern me at all. And, all the while I'm keeping these kinds women at arms length, I've got that day in mind. After all, the women I fixated on in college, or high school, or grad school, or after my school years don't preoccupy me to this day, so I just keep the women whom I suspect have sketchy motives regarding me at arm's length and let nature take its course.
The best solution came from, again, my approach with Sara in 1988. The whole experiment to turn my back on love, to risk forsaking a person who, for all I knew, loved me in a way I would want them to love me, had the effect of keeping such a person at arm's length. Not so much arm's length in that I would keep that person from getting too close to me, but rather that I would keep myself from trying to get close to them.
What happened with Sara turned quite interesting when she started to engage in the behaviors that would make me crazy while I kept her at an emotional distance. I won't get into examples, but the effect that so many women had on me registered as a sensation of that person pulling the rug out from under me. Things could go along fine for awhile, things in my world seemed nice and reasonable, whatever woman I had an interest in seemed okay after all, and then, BAM, my love interest would bust some move to sabotage our deal.
What I learned from my experience with Sara, that is, the rug coming out from under me experience, is that her behavior towards me did not result from any way I behaved towards her. She had it in mind all along to behave in a shitty manner towards me. Before Sara, I could engage in questionable behaviors myself toward such women while caught up in the drama. With Sara, I watched from a distance while she danced her destructive dance alone.
So, I've learned to keep all women I have an intense attraction to, but who seem to have an agenda with me that has nothing to do with becoming my girlfriend, I've learned to keep those kinds of women at arm's length. Again, arm's length means that I don't try to get close to THEM. Not the other way around.
What happens eventually, I've found, is that the fever breaks one day. It happens suddenly too. After the fever breaks, that is, after the intensity of my attraction to such a woman goes way down, and it happens fast usually, all bets are off. They really, really can conduct their personal affairs in any such a way as they see fit, and I really, really see absolutely no reason why that would concern me at all. And, all the while I'm keeping these kinds women at arms length, I've got that day in mind. After all, the women I fixated on in college, or high school, or grad school, or after my school years don't preoccupy me to this day, so I just keep the women whom I suspect have sketchy motives regarding me at arm's length and let nature take its course.
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