My last post brought up the idea that I'm still in conflict with someone from a long time ago. The long time ago was the late 1980's to the mid- 1990's. Back when my mental illness went untreated, I would have run-ins with women on a pretty regular basis. There seems to be someone from that era who still has issues with me. This person seems to want to persist in this conflict for the purposes of revenge, justice, righteous karma, take your pick.
In my last post I compared this person to a Japanese soldier in the jungles of the Philippines who did not realize that World War II was over, and that surrender would not result in their execution by the now-defunct Empire of Japan. There's a key difference between this woman and those lone Japanese soldiers, though. She seems to have the ability to enlist allies to her cause from time to time.
To my way of seeing things, it's these people who really need to be taken out and flogged. It's bad enough that this woman feels that I deliberately inflicted pain on her that still haunts her somehow. But the thought that these people, who seem to include her ex-husband, his daughter, the former female director of a local art space, a former female employee of a food service business that I until very recently used to patronize, a current female employee of the same business, a very old man who should know better, and quite possibly, the real deal celebrity that I call the Invisible Woman, and possibly many other witnesses and bystanders and "well-wishers," if that is a proper term for these people, all these people seem feel inspired to act on her behalf to inflict bodily harm upon me, as well as emotional harm upon me, all for an effort that they all seem to believe will somehow magically take this woman's pain away with my downfall.
I mean, this woman better attribute a great deal of emotional pain to my actions or gestures towards her, if she and all of these others are really willing to go to all of this trouble to, repeatedly, over the years, attempt to do these vicious takedowns of me. The thought that maybe she just wants to strike a blow on behalf of women everywhere, and is able enlist these allies to just that kind of a cause, well, I'm assuming that she's gone through a greater ordeal of personal pain than that implies, and I'll proceed from there.
Yeah, these people who've tried to "help" her over the years really suck. If my going down somehow would help her, hell, I might be willing to do that on my own somehow. But, has any of these people thought to maybe reach out to me and talk to me? Has anyone maybe thought that might be a more grownup solution to a grown up problem? Well, no one has done that, and I guess it's up to me to initiate this process. I will see her ex-husband at a gathering later this year, probably. That would be a good time for him and others to talk to me. But, there's a contact page on this website if anyone wants to start this process sooner than that.
I mean, I'm sorry. I never intended to hurt this woman, never. But, know this people, I"m the first person to my knowledge, to try and start a meaningful dialogue over incidents that occurred decades ago. Give me some fucking credit for that. And if her ex-husband doesn't want to act until this gathering later this year, okay. But if I get the sense that people just want me to kiss their ass and have me tell them how great they are, then I will pick up on that and not really have much inclination to move forward. If this woman just wants to feud and put hell hounds on my trail until I go down somehow, then I'll know her hate has fully replaced her pain, and I will take the necessary precautions to take care of myself.
In my last post I compared this person to a Japanese soldier in the jungles of the Philippines who did not realize that World War II was over, and that surrender would not result in their execution by the now-defunct Empire of Japan. There's a key difference between this woman and those lone Japanese soldiers, though. She seems to have the ability to enlist allies to her cause from time to time.
To my way of seeing things, it's these people who really need to be taken out and flogged. It's bad enough that this woman feels that I deliberately inflicted pain on her that still haunts her somehow. But the thought that these people, who seem to include her ex-husband, his daughter, the former female director of a local art space, a former female employee of a food service business that I until very recently used to patronize, a current female employee of the same business, a very old man who should know better, and quite possibly, the real deal celebrity that I call the Invisible Woman, and possibly many other witnesses and bystanders and "well-wishers," if that is a proper term for these people, all these people seem feel inspired to act on her behalf to inflict bodily harm upon me, as well as emotional harm upon me, all for an effort that they all seem to believe will somehow magically take this woman's pain away with my downfall.
I mean, this woman better attribute a great deal of emotional pain to my actions or gestures towards her, if she and all of these others are really willing to go to all of this trouble to, repeatedly, over the years, attempt to do these vicious takedowns of me. The thought that maybe she just wants to strike a blow on behalf of women everywhere, and is able enlist these allies to just that kind of a cause, well, I'm assuming that she's gone through a greater ordeal of personal pain than that implies, and I'll proceed from there.
Yeah, these people who've tried to "help" her over the years really suck. If my going down somehow would help her, hell, I might be willing to do that on my own somehow. But, has any of these people thought to maybe reach out to me and talk to me? Has anyone maybe thought that might be a more grownup solution to a grown up problem? Well, no one has done that, and I guess it's up to me to initiate this process. I will see her ex-husband at a gathering later this year, probably. That would be a good time for him and others to talk to me. But, there's a contact page on this website if anyone wants to start this process sooner than that.
I mean, I'm sorry. I never intended to hurt this woman, never. But, know this people, I"m the first person to my knowledge, to try and start a meaningful dialogue over incidents that occurred decades ago. Give me some fucking credit for that. And if her ex-husband doesn't want to act until this gathering later this year, okay. But if I get the sense that people just want me to kiss their ass and have me tell them how great they are, then I will pick up on that and not really have much inclination to move forward. If this woman just wants to feud and put hell hounds on my trail until I go down somehow, then I'll know her hate has fully replaced her pain, and I will take the necessary precautions to take care of myself.
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