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Oddly enough, I feel better now for this reason...

12/24/2021

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Ever since this young woman who works at this business whom I can go on and on about on this blog started in on me with her subtle yet effective flirtations, I've felt compelled to play to the notion that she really has no interest in me.  And so it goes that I still play to that notion to this day.  Oddly enough, that does not bum me out these days.  I still find her pretty inaccessible, and a HUGE reason I feel I can't just talk to her about anything under the sun when I do see her centers around this concern that she really doesn't want any part of that kind of dialogue with me.  But, that doesn't bum me out, either.

Early this morning, I found out that what bummed me out these days centers around an imagined scenario where I would feel compelled to say no to any chance of going out with her.  Then I realized this; I cast my vote for seeing her socially two months ago when I invited her to my comic book sale.  I haven't changed my mind ONE LITTLE BIT on that score.  I'd totally love to see her socially if given the chance.   The apparent reality that she really doesn't want that doesn't bother me so much, because that's just something I can't control.

I want her and everyone else concerned to understand this: My behavior towards her and willingness, or lack of willingness, to interact with her comes from a palpable feeling on my part that she doesn't want me bothering her.  I want NO ONE, including her, to think that my lack of willingness to engage with her comes from a place where I don't want anything to do with her.  I just don't want to bother her.  I repeat, if it were up to me, I'd go out with her in a heartbeat.  No question about it.
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