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Note to self: the right guy doesn't go barking up the wrong tree

10/5/2021

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Yep, barking up the wrong tree.  I told my cousin last night that so much of my efforts to improve my game these days involve learning whom NOT to approach for dating purposes.  My checkered history with women so much involves a tendency to make it all about the wrong person for all of that.  I think I've made changes.  If I extract the last seven years of my life these days and compare it to the last seven years before my hospitalization for mental illness, the difference in how frequently and intensely and for how long I would pursue the wrong person between those two periods of my life speaks volumes as to how much I have tried and succeeded in changing that aspect of my game around.  I can't say I've NEVER barked up the wrong tree these past seven years, but I can see a steep reduction in that sort of thing these last seven years over those years between the ages of twenty-one and twenty-eight.  In the recovery from an illness with no real cure, a steep reduction in the symptoms of that illness generally counts as the best progress one may achieve. 

I frequently look at men or machines reading Reddit posts about nice guys, neckbeards, incels, what have you, in YouTube videos.  It seems as if an overall obsession with women and a tendency to bark up the wrong tree informs the stories told in so many of these videos.  I remember the kind of obsessive things I would do in high school and college and wish to God I could change somehow.  I think just the state of existing in a bad place for a lot of these guys makes their efforts to connect with women about the wrong women by definition. A vicious cycle emerges where the behavior of these (mostly) young men can lead them to the wrong person's door before too long, if my personal experiences applies to their situations in any way.

I've talked often enough about how things I went through in the eighties and nineties seem to have come back to haunt me these days.  I think my mental illness, and what that signifies to various people hungry for some adversarial drama in their lives, makes  that kind of phenomenon a definite possibility.  The mentally ill have tended to get scapegoated for the sins of the many throughout history.  Couple this with the notion many antagonists posses that the mentally ill can't defend themselves against such attacks, and that the aggressors can get away clean with such attacks, and one can find all the explanation one needs for why this kind of behavior runs rampant in the situations someone such as me finds himself in to this day. 
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