I managed to weasel permission to go over to her apartment that night and pick up an old book that I had loaned her. In her apartment I kissed her to no avail and at one point had my hands gently around her neck. I had no intention of hurting her, but those kind of optics must have looked bad to Veronica when she thought about it soon after, because she seemed spooked the next time I called her on Sunday night, a few days later.
She told me about her weekend, I told her a little about my weekend. She had taken some new job with some guy she knew from her old college, and celebrated that weekend at his friend's lake house and on his friend's boat and drank champagne and all of that. I didn't really go into so much detail about the person I had sex with that weekend, but she got my drift as well as I got hers. I experienced a psychotic episode the following Tuesday night at my busboy job at a pretty swank restaurant.
Things went sideways with Veronica. It took me quite a number of years later to figure out why she'd even given me the time of day in the first place. I figure she wanted me for boatloads of "free" male attention because she had me as inexperienced and susceptible to a little goosing in that direction from her. She wanted this attention, I figure, as a way of coping with a painful breakup with a serious, live-in boyfriend
Lately I've written about that young woman at that business whom I can really go on at length about. I wrote a post a few days ago that wildly speculated that very attractive, young women customers I've encountered at coffee shops these past few weeks and months were friends of hers, and that these young women's subtle flirtations served to act on their girlfriend's behalf-the girlfriend being the young woman at this business that I can go on so much about. I went further and said that the purpose of these interactions from these young women served as an effort to get me to go back into that one girl's place of employment, because I'd made a promise on this blog to let this girl go and to demonstrate my commitment to this course of action by avoiding her place of employment at the times I knew her to work there. I further speculated that the reason she wanted me to go back to see her at her job involved a desire on her part to demonstrate the hold she had on me. If this accusation contains any truth, and I'm not going to commit to a solid belief as to whether this accusation contains any truth, but if it did, I think that such a bizarre scheme would demonstrate a desire from this young woman who works at this business to get our old deal back. I guess our old deal involved me functioning as a hands-off, distant admirer of this young woman. Well la dee da.
My last post talked about two likely courses which letting go of her will run. One course involved the idea that, in refraining from going into this young woman's place of employment when I knew her to work there, I may wind up never seeing her again. She may have even quit that job by now, for all I know. Another likely course this deal might take that I've experienced before involves me seeing her again at some point, but she will no longer have love interest status to me, and she will forever after function as kind of a nonentity the moment she no longer possesses any possibility in my own mind for romantic involvement. Any woman achieving such nonentity status pretty much does become that at such a juncture.
The thing for me to do, as the lone adult between myself and such a person as her, involves keeping all the drama and bullshit to a minimum until this moment arrives. I've found that playing these deals this way in no way inhibits anything I would like to happen with such a one a her from happening. In fact, keeping the drama and bullshit to a bare minimum would seem to help the prospect of something good coming from such a shit deal, would it not? Well. I guess good things could possibly come for me from such a skilled handling of this situation as I demonstrated, except that women such a her never seem to want anything like that, ever.
Did things go sideways with her the way they went sideways with Veronica? Does she or anyone else who may know her actually think I represent a threat to her by now? I remain committed to staying the hell away from this person, because I think these past two months away from her have benefited me a great deal, and since these past two months have benefited me great deal, they have probably benefited her as well. Acting in both mine and hers best interests. Awesome! It's what adults do in these situations, sweetie pie. Time to grow up.