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My lifetime arc of romantic obsession

3/22/2022

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I will go over some ground I've gone over before, because it bears repeating.  At fifteen years old I fixated on a girl in my high school.  Looking back, I realized at the time that, given the extreme attraction I had towards her, that no way on Earth existed for her to have a mutual attraction to me of anywhere near the same intensity.  That thought alone became enough to send me into a tailspin of depression and despair.  I never even tried to approach her for a movie date or anything like that.

In college, at the age of nineteen, I fell hard for a girl in my art class.  She was twenty-three, very nice, but she had a serious boyfriend.  The fact that I couldn't even approach her for social reasons because of this fact sent me to the depths of despair.  I decided I would try to resolve my dilemma by asking her out anyway.  She said, "My boyfriend wouldn't like it," and I made some quip in reply, but that still bummed me out.

This last person I'm finally getting over, I think, came after me in an adversarial manner, to the best of my knowledge.  She'd worked at that business for a good year and a half before she started in on me.  I did not get all hung up on her until she came after me locked and loaded for bear.  

For these past eight years, ever since that virgin girl started in on me, I've had to deal with an issue of romantic fixation towards women who all seemed to want to get some mankiller reputation off of me.  That's the bad news.  The good new is, a young woman simply being very attractive but not interested or available doesn't send me into a tailspin anymore.  It takes SO MUCH MORE for me to get all hung up on this or that attractive young woman.  I think I managed to neutralize this last one's aggression emphatically enough that no young hotties in my purview are going to want to try that with me anytime soon.  I hope not.


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