I smoked two packs of cigarettes a day up to the time I quit. From time to time over the years prior to quitting I would try to cut down to something that made sense, such as five cigarettes a day. Cigarette smoking did not lend itself to moderation for me. The same could be said for booze and drugs. I've talked about trying to follow my Buddha, but these things I've had to give up don't lend themselves to moderation for me.
The same could be said for unavailable women and my pursuit of same. It's nice these days to wake up in the morning and not have my first thoughts be of some woman I'm fixated on. I don't miss that at all. In these posts of the past two weeks, I've talked about how I thought that I had, or may still have, a presence on the internet that I don't know about. A lot of the women in my world that I've suspected of knowing about this presence have presented themselves as unavailable to me in one way or the other.
Whether this supposed presence on the internet is a real thing or not, these women all still seem unavailable to me. I have no desire, not anymore than I did several weeks ago, or several months ago, or several years ago, to "settle" for a fruitless fixation on some unavailable woman in my world.
Where does that leave me with moderation? I think I can do pretty much the same as I've been doing these past few years and not fuck much with the women in my world to any extent. I can still enjoy the presence of women in my world, to some degree, without making it all about any one of them in particular. I'm not a mind reader, so I can't tell who does or does not have knowledge of this supposed web presence that I'm not privy to, nor do I have to really know. I can still just kind of go about my business as usual, I suppose.
The only reason I'm not going to patronize this or that business in the coming weeks will involve financial, rather that personal, reasons. I just had a new book printed up, and I had to charge that on my credit card. My production on these comic books is at a total balls-out level now. I work on them almost every day of the month, typically, so I can count of having to pay for another print job in another four months or so. Plus, I plan on going to NYC and maybe the DC area next year, so I have to pay for those trips too.
The same could be said for unavailable women and my pursuit of same. It's nice these days to wake up in the morning and not have my first thoughts be of some woman I'm fixated on. I don't miss that at all. In these posts of the past two weeks, I've talked about how I thought that I had, or may still have, a presence on the internet that I don't know about. A lot of the women in my world that I've suspected of knowing about this presence have presented themselves as unavailable to me in one way or the other.
Whether this supposed presence on the internet is a real thing or not, these women all still seem unavailable to me. I have no desire, not anymore than I did several weeks ago, or several months ago, or several years ago, to "settle" for a fruitless fixation on some unavailable woman in my world.
Where does that leave me with moderation? I think I can do pretty much the same as I've been doing these past few years and not fuck much with the women in my world to any extent. I can still enjoy the presence of women in my world, to some degree, without making it all about any one of them in particular. I'm not a mind reader, so I can't tell who does or does not have knowledge of this supposed web presence that I'm not privy to, nor do I have to really know. I can still just kind of go about my business as usual, I suppose.
The only reason I'm not going to patronize this or that business in the coming weeks will involve financial, rather that personal, reasons. I just had a new book printed up, and I had to charge that on my credit card. My production on these comic books is at a total balls-out level now. I work on them almost every day of the month, typically, so I can count of having to pay for another print job in another four months or so. Plus, I plan on going to NYC and maybe the DC area next year, so I have to pay for those trips too.
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