This morning, as I ran errands, I began to think: I've never heard of a celebrity, or famous athlete, or prominent politician engaging in a campaign of psychological harassment and intimidation against a vulnerable private citizen. I've been thinking that this woman might have had redemptive motives for basically engaging in a kind of gas lighting of me, but that would still be a bastard thing for her to do. Wouldn't it? And like I said, it would be wholly unprecedented in the annals of movie stars, popular music stars, athletes, etc. I mean, yeah, Richy Vegas is a unique kind of guy, and wholly unprecedented in and of himself, but then again, aren't we all?
Again, this woman would have to be some kind of real lowlife to be engaging in the kinds of things my more primitive parts of my brain thought she might be engaging in; sending friends of hers or devoted fans out to give me subliminal messages as I ate in restaurants, going around to places staking her claim on me to employees of businesses I patronize, sleeping with a friend I've been in a general dispute with, and in general just bringing a holistic, motherlode of a mindfuck down on me.
Okay, there have been instances where the FBI have harassed people like John Lennon and Ernest Hemingway by tapping their phones, going into their mail, and messing with their heads about whether the FBI was tailing them or surveilling them or not, but those were for political motives in actions taken by the government. People who knew Hemingway say that was the reason for his suicide, and that his excessive drinking made his problems with the FBI worse on his state of mind. In the 1980's, the actor James Woods received a dead fish on his doorstep along with a note warning him not to mess with his newly minted ex-girlfriend, the female actor Sean Young, but that was a personal dispute between two ex-partners.
I've never met this woman, and I would want to know what on Earth she could possibly have against me that she would want to do something like this? Or, is she engaging in some kind of weird courtship? I must confess, that was my fondest hope, but it all seemed pretty scary in the end, really.
Seriously, I wanted to check into a psychiatric hospital last week. Not so much because I was so afraid of other people, but because I was more afraid of myself. I get this way when family members lean on me too much as well, so it's not been anything new of late. But man, if it was true that this music person had some redemptive motives for all of that, then she's never heard about the road to Hell being paved with good intentions.
Yesterday was intense, I think by my going out to the open mike and engaging with the world a little helped. There's this guy who calls into Artie Lange's podcast, and until recently Howard Stern's radio show, who would constantly accuse those two of sending trolls to his Twitter feed and other social media accounts. Apparently he just sits around in his parents' basement and smokes pot all day. It can be a challenge to get out there and see people and do things, but really, my brain can run along the same lines as less engaged people if I don't do stuff like that.
Another sinister angle is that some woman or women in my world started the whole thing off by sending that coffee and that CD. I don't want to single any one person out or group of people out. It's like an Agatha Christie novel; where any number of suspects could have an equally compelling motive, because I eventually beat them all. Don't I?
When the coffee and the CD first arrived last April or May (2016), I thought that they might be a gift from Amazon for being such a good customer. I looked at the bag the coffee beans came in again yesterday. It said, "Best before 12/15/2015." So maybe Amazon just wanted to get rid of some of their old stock of coffee, and they put this woman's CD in with it as a bonus. I don't recall seeing any note from Amazon or anyone else though. Maybe I just misplaced it.