Issue number 4 of my comic book, "Anita, You're the Reason I'm Not In Prison," covers my last crash and burn episode involving the machinations of a failed love interest and her confederates. That occurred twenty years ago this year. The main lesson I took away from that episode was this: even though I was on psychiatric medication, even though I had a pretty good understanding of my diagnosis, even though I saw a therapist as well as a psychiatrist, and even though I had the support and understanding of friends and family, I could still have a crash and burn episode. And so I did.
It's not been just my dumbass luck that I have not had similar to identical types of occurrences happen in these past twenty years. I didn't have some magical medication change that solved this problem, and the world hasn't changed in this regard so much as I have. I've encountered a lot of asshole women over the twenty years since June, 1999, along with their confederates, and my record in dealing with their shit is pretty good overall. Over the years, bit by bit, I've gotten much better at taking care of myself. First it was the smoking, then the drinking and drugs, and finally the issues with love addiction, which constituted the heart of the crash and burn problem in the first place.
I can't fully communicate here how much better my life has become since I taught myself how to thwart crash and burn episodes from visiting themselves on my being and my life. Back before I received my diagnosis and treatment for mental illness, these kinds of episodes would go off in my face like Old Faithful in Yellowstone. I could pretty much set a watch by counting on such an occurrence every six months, year, year and a half, or two years apart. The interruptions to my life that these nervous breakdown episodes wrought....sucked. That's about all I have to say. I've been able to take on longterm creative projects such as my comic book series and the study of guitar and songwriting accompanied by the regular production of solo albums and solo performances, because my whole purpose in life is not wrenched apart by bouts of crippling self-doubt about whether I'm doing anything meaningful with my time and energy.
I think the impulse that motivated the antagonists in "Anita, You're the Reason I'm Not In Prison" stemmed from the idea that the results of their efforts would come off as really funny, because my reaction would come off as really funny, I guess. In more recent times this one gal at one of these businesses would seem to get a kick out of what I would write about this or that situation I would find myself in, and she in turn, in my estimation, tried to yank my chain just a few weeks ago. While it's true that I can come off as pretty funny at times when I write about some of these situations, I don't like people trying to orchestrate traumatic experiences just to see how I react. That just comes off as really sadistic.
The decisions I make in the coming days, weeks, and months on whether or not to refrain from associating with individuals I find distasteful are not decisions I make lightly. There have been several food service oriented businesses that I used to patronize regularly that I now patronize only occasionally-to-hardly-at-all because of such decisions I've made. I don't regret these decisions at all, and I doubt that I will regret any decisions of that nature, should I decide to make them, in the foreseeable future. That is all.
p.s. The decisions to refrain from patronizing these food service businesses where I encountered employees who behaved in a distasteful manner towards me; these decisions were made BY me and not FOR me. Understand?
It's not been just my dumbass luck that I have not had similar to identical types of occurrences happen in these past twenty years. I didn't have some magical medication change that solved this problem, and the world hasn't changed in this regard so much as I have. I've encountered a lot of asshole women over the twenty years since June, 1999, along with their confederates, and my record in dealing with their shit is pretty good overall. Over the years, bit by bit, I've gotten much better at taking care of myself. First it was the smoking, then the drinking and drugs, and finally the issues with love addiction, which constituted the heart of the crash and burn problem in the first place.
I can't fully communicate here how much better my life has become since I taught myself how to thwart crash and burn episodes from visiting themselves on my being and my life. Back before I received my diagnosis and treatment for mental illness, these kinds of episodes would go off in my face like Old Faithful in Yellowstone. I could pretty much set a watch by counting on such an occurrence every six months, year, year and a half, or two years apart. The interruptions to my life that these nervous breakdown episodes wrought....sucked. That's about all I have to say. I've been able to take on longterm creative projects such as my comic book series and the study of guitar and songwriting accompanied by the regular production of solo albums and solo performances, because my whole purpose in life is not wrenched apart by bouts of crippling self-doubt about whether I'm doing anything meaningful with my time and energy.
I think the impulse that motivated the antagonists in "Anita, You're the Reason I'm Not In Prison" stemmed from the idea that the results of their efforts would come off as really funny, because my reaction would come off as really funny, I guess. In more recent times this one gal at one of these businesses would seem to get a kick out of what I would write about this or that situation I would find myself in, and she in turn, in my estimation, tried to yank my chain just a few weeks ago. While it's true that I can come off as pretty funny at times when I write about some of these situations, I don't like people trying to orchestrate traumatic experiences just to see how I react. That just comes off as really sadistic.
The decisions I make in the coming days, weeks, and months on whether or not to refrain from associating with individuals I find distasteful are not decisions I make lightly. There have been several food service oriented businesses that I used to patronize regularly that I now patronize only occasionally-to-hardly-at-all because of such decisions I've made. I don't regret these decisions at all, and I doubt that I will regret any decisions of that nature, should I decide to make them, in the foreseeable future. That is all.
p.s. The decisions to refrain from patronizing these food service businesses where I encountered employees who behaved in a distasteful manner towards me; these decisions were made BY me and not FOR me. Understand?
RSS Feed
