I get to order another Rush CD this morning, because it's the 15th, and I haven't mentioned that young woman I can go on at length about on this blog since the 1st of July. The last time I saw her, in the middle of June, she seemed really cheerful at her job. That surprised me, because my blog post prior to this encounter, and I pretty much do think she and others read these; my last blog post prior to this encounter had me writing about how the thought of her joining in on some effort to stalk and harass me made me not feel so much warmth and affection for her, even though I still cared for her a great deal. I said in that post that I stood willing to walk away from the entire deal. Her upbeat, cheerful demeanor when I saw her next made me think all kinds of things. Did she like the idea of me bailing on her? Did her cheerful demeanor at her job when I saw her last signal a willingness to dare me to bail on our deal? Did she ever like me or want me in the first place?
I've talked often about how I've ascertained over the years that, to a lot of young, attractive women out there, the mentally ill guy with a tendency towards romantic obsession represents a bad guy type to them. I've said that many of them would rather take their chances with a charming, player type with a reputation for treating women shabbily than take a chance on a type that will often declare, through his actions mainly, his undying love for them and then proceed to chase them to the ends of the Earth and back. I imagine the stories they tell each other about romantically obsessive, mentally ill guys amount to a kind of folklore, and I imagine they may all have personal stories of their own to back up this view.
So, when I declared my willingness to walk away from this whole deal, this young woman I can go on and on about knows me well enough to know that I can and will back such statements up by doing just that. The first time I avoided going to her place of employment at times I knew her to work there occurred during the Summer of 2019. I did stay away from her that way for six weeks, if I remember correctly. I've done pretty much the same thing several more times, and I'm doing this same thing now. I haven't seem her since mid-June, and I might stay away from her place of employment at the times I've known her to work there for, possibly, the rest of the Summer, because I feel this break from our deal has done me a lot of good.
One thing I think I might have a handle on these past few days has to do with the idea that she DOES know enough about me to take me seriously. She realizes by now, possibly, that I'm not some silly-ass, obsessive pest/menace who will just not leave her alone if she shows the slightest bit of favor towards me. I've talked in the past about Veronica Ortega and how, in 1985, Veronica threw me a few bones of attention with the belief that I would give her tenfold the amount of attention back. Veronica seemed to do this to help her get over a painful breakup with a live-in boyfriend. She wanted male attention from someone she didn't have to take seriously, and she saw me and at least one other guy as her guys for that.
I have no idea about whom, if anyone, this young woman at this business is dating now, or whom she'll wind up with in the foreseeable future, but if SHE takes me seriously regarding my ability to master my obsessive impulses, other women-women I might not even know about at this time-may already take me seriously as well, and that may explain why this young woman came off as cheerful and friendly as she did the last time I saw her. In other words, regardless of how things shake out between us, she doesn't feel the need to write me off as a liability in her world or that liking me in SOME way doesn't amount to some big mistake on her part.
I've talked often about how I've ascertained over the years that, to a lot of young, attractive women out there, the mentally ill guy with a tendency towards romantic obsession represents a bad guy type to them. I've said that many of them would rather take their chances with a charming, player type with a reputation for treating women shabbily than take a chance on a type that will often declare, through his actions mainly, his undying love for them and then proceed to chase them to the ends of the Earth and back. I imagine the stories they tell each other about romantically obsessive, mentally ill guys amount to a kind of folklore, and I imagine they may all have personal stories of their own to back up this view.
So, when I declared my willingness to walk away from this whole deal, this young woman I can go on and on about knows me well enough to know that I can and will back such statements up by doing just that. The first time I avoided going to her place of employment at times I knew her to work there occurred during the Summer of 2019. I did stay away from her that way for six weeks, if I remember correctly. I've done pretty much the same thing several more times, and I'm doing this same thing now. I haven't seem her since mid-June, and I might stay away from her place of employment at the times I've known her to work there for, possibly, the rest of the Summer, because I feel this break from our deal has done me a lot of good.
One thing I think I might have a handle on these past few days has to do with the idea that she DOES know enough about me to take me seriously. She realizes by now, possibly, that I'm not some silly-ass, obsessive pest/menace who will just not leave her alone if she shows the slightest bit of favor towards me. I've talked in the past about Veronica Ortega and how, in 1985, Veronica threw me a few bones of attention with the belief that I would give her tenfold the amount of attention back. Veronica seemed to do this to help her get over a painful breakup with a live-in boyfriend. She wanted male attention from someone she didn't have to take seriously, and she saw me and at least one other guy as her guys for that.
I have no idea about whom, if anyone, this young woman at this business is dating now, or whom she'll wind up with in the foreseeable future, but if SHE takes me seriously regarding my ability to master my obsessive impulses, other women-women I might not even know about at this time-may already take me seriously as well, and that may explain why this young woman came off as cheerful and friendly as she did the last time I saw her. In other words, regardless of how things shake out between us, she doesn't feel the need to write me off as a liability in her world or that liking me in SOME way doesn't amount to some big mistake on her part.
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