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Is it just me?

7/8/2019

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I posted two weeks ago that I would stop patronizing one particular business when I thought that one particular female employee may work there.  I said at the time that actions speak louder than words, and so it goes, I haven't seen this particular young woman since, because I really did refrain form patronizing this place during her known hours.  I plan on keeping it up.  I have done a lot of daily activities since my decision, and I feel comfortable in general.  I can sit in a bar or a nightclub at a table for long periods of time and just chill.  I haven't been able to do that kind of thing in as long as I can remember.

The situation I found myself in regarding this young woman just creeped me out somehow.  I tended to project a lot of paranoid thoughts onto her to the point where I just wanted to bail, and bail I did.  The bottom line came to the fact that she didn't seem to want to interact with me at all, and since getting closer to her socially did not present itself as a viable option, and since I did not want things to stay the same, I opted to change things up substantially.  I don't know if any of my paranoid thoughts had any basis in reality, but I feel really good about the idea that I can just bail on one of these situations anytime I want to and not have to worry about forsaking the love of my life.

If I encounter any other waitresses or baristas or whatever in my world that just want to get up in my business and see what I'm made of, I will try to keep the following in mind.  Although I greatly admire the abundance of youth and beauty they typically possess, I'm looking for someone more approachable for social things such as dates.  So, I would like to approach women who possess some of the qualities of youth and beauty these women have, but I want to approach women who might actually go out with me or hang out with me or what have you.

I compiled quite an oh-fer, starting in 2009 and going up to 2013, as far as striking out with the waitresses and baristas in my world.  Since 2013, I've approached three of these types of women through a more discreet Facebook friend request.  Two of those three at least accepted my friend request.  The last one I approached via this method decided to take offense, I guess, so that's it for the Facebook friend requests.  I'm not on Facebook anymore anyway.  

The only other woman of this type I approached since 2013 first invited me to hang out with her at her favorite bar.  I told her I didn't drink, which I guess was the deal killer for her.  That's pretty good, though.  Three Facebook friend requests and one woman who wasn't just a total asshole about the whole deal since 2013.  I don't really feel the need to put myself out there for anyone of these types in my world at this time.  Nope.  It seems as if for every young woman I "process," i.e. decide to let go of somehow, another just sprouts up from somewhere and takes her place.  That may result from the whole "nature abhors a vacuum" phenomenon.  Which came first, the chicken or the egg?  I don't really know, and it really doesn't matter.    
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