I've concluded that I'm afraid that I will fall in love with the wrong person sometime in the foreseeable future. There's someone in my world I care for, and I worry that my unerring instinct to gravitate towards inappropriate love interests will bring upon me yet another epic struggle to keep my head above water and keep from going totally nuts.
The thing is, I conducted myself really well when I fell in love with the wrong person the last time. I couldn't have done better than I did if I had a hundred more chances to do so. If I treat all of this drama and bullshit as the symptoms of a chronic illness that I can just take care of and manage, then I have no reason to believe that I won't handle any future situation as well or better than I handled the last one.
I just wish "real" women would take an interest in me at some point. I guess one of my deepest fears resides in the notion that the women in my world will just want to see a repeat performance from me of all I went through with the last wrong person I fell in love with, and that no one really has any interest in me for more than that. Well, that would really suck, but that remains to be seen. If the women in my world just want me to perform in that manner, no matter the toll such a performance would take on my health and well being, then shame on them, and there's no reason to believe that I would not catch wise to that desire on their part sooner rather than later.
The thing is, I conducted myself really well when I fell in love with the wrong person the last time. I couldn't have done better than I did if I had a hundred more chances to do so. If I treat all of this drama and bullshit as the symptoms of a chronic illness that I can just take care of and manage, then I have no reason to believe that I won't handle any future situation as well or better than I handled the last one.
I just wish "real" women would take an interest in me at some point. I guess one of my deepest fears resides in the notion that the women in my world will just want to see a repeat performance from me of all I went through with the last wrong person I fell in love with, and that no one really has any interest in me for more than that. Well, that would really suck, but that remains to be seen. If the women in my world just want me to perform in that manner, no matter the toll such a performance would take on my health and well being, then shame on them, and there's no reason to believe that I would not catch wise to that desire on their part sooner rather than later.
RSS Feed
