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Inappropriate emotional attachments

8/5/2020

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I think a big reason for my relative lack of success with women over the years stems from an apprehension that so many of them have about me.  Namely, that I have formed or will form an inappropriate emotional attachment to them.  Ten years ago, when I asked mostly young baristas and waitresses out in front of God and everyone, this apprehension seemed to result in the defenses a lot of them would throw up in response to my entreaties.  The defenses came mostly in the form of really cruel games that I didn't think they could really justify as a reaction to my overtures.  I wished they wouldn't have such a fear about me just because I asked them out, but there you are.  I asked two older waitresses out at that time, and only one of them played some stupid game, but even she couldn't bring herself to come off as totally rude at the moment i did ask her out, but there's more to that story than I want to get into right now.

So, I think if I give off a general vibe to attractive women that I would form a premature and inappropriate emotional attachment to them at the drop of a hat, that might explain an overall lack of much in the way of opportunities with women in general.  Okay, since those days of ten years ago, I've taught myself how to refrain from approaching certain woman in such a forward manner.   Mostly, these women are still very young waitresses, baristas, or other young women I see on a regular basis on my day to day routines.  Hannibal Lecter said in Silence of the Lambs, about the serial killer Buffalo Bill, "He wants what he sees."  So, maybe going into online dating or something would sublimate my desires enough and I could find more appropriate women to approach for that sort of thing.  Oh well, that's for another day.

I think that the young woman I went on at length about this past year-plus definitely played to the notion that any attempt on my part to approach her for social reasons while she worked at her job would make me look bad.  I guess I should really thank women such as her for providing this siren type temptation for me to fight, and thus I became a bit more emotionally self-reliant and sharper in my game.

Before I sign off, I want to thank the fifteen or so additional unique visitors to this site this week.  That is, fifteen visitors more than usually visit the sight in any given week.  That's nearly double the normal amount.  I don't know how Weebly comes up with these numbers.  When I go about my day to day routines, it seems as if a lot of people in my world have read what I write on a regular basis.  But then again, I have a major mental illness that may cause me to project such thoughts onto people when they greet me or look at me on my daily walks, for example.  Fun with mental illness.  Boy howdy!


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