Because I've refrained from mentioning that young woman I can go on and on about at length these past fifteen days plus, I get to order Rush's 2112 album. I would never normally order a Rush CD, but this album is pretty cool and I've set up a token reward system where I get to order an easy to acquire, classic rock CD in exchange for refraining from mentioning that young woman until the 1st and/or 15th of the month. I didn't want to undermine our deal by spewing out every little thought that comes to mind, because I thought it might inhibit any chance for us to interact in the real world.
The problem I have now concerns thoughts i have that I first posted in November of 2018. The thoughts center around the idea that someone stalks me on the internet, and I that I might have a presence on the internet that I do not consent to. Today I ate lunch somewhere, and a young woman I'd just met, who sat across from me, said something out of the blue. She said, "You're in." Then a little later she talked about a guy who lives in her apartment complex who uses her laundry room, and how he pulled his dick out and wanted her to blow him one time. These two things made me believe that she knows stuff about me that I've never talked to her about. I thought that when she said, "You're in," that she might have meant I was "in" with this young woman I go on about at length sometimes on this blog, and when this young woman I talked to at lunch today brought up this guy at her complex doing this crude sexual proposition to her, that she referred to the time I often write about in 1987 where I did something similar to Wanda.
These thoughts I had today about these two remarks this young woman made whom I ate lunch with today disturb me a great deal. I think maybe that post in 2018 might actually contain truth. This is not good for me in my prospects of interacting with this young woman who works at this business whom I write about a lot on this blog. I care for this person a great deal, still, but the idea that she is in on something like that, along with a lot of other women in my world, turns off whatever affection I have for this young woman right now. I don't think it's always possible to care for anyone in a warm, affectionate way all the time, even under better circumstances than the ones I've outlined above, so I don't feel bad about feeling turned off towards her right now. I don't know how to move forward from this kind of an impasse, and I'm prepared to walk away from the whole deal at this point.
The problem I have now concerns thoughts i have that I first posted in November of 2018. The thoughts center around the idea that someone stalks me on the internet, and I that I might have a presence on the internet that I do not consent to. Today I ate lunch somewhere, and a young woman I'd just met, who sat across from me, said something out of the blue. She said, "You're in." Then a little later she talked about a guy who lives in her apartment complex who uses her laundry room, and how he pulled his dick out and wanted her to blow him one time. These two things made me believe that she knows stuff about me that I've never talked to her about. I thought that when she said, "You're in," that she might have meant I was "in" with this young woman I go on about at length sometimes on this blog, and when this young woman I talked to at lunch today brought up this guy at her complex doing this crude sexual proposition to her, that she referred to the time I often write about in 1987 where I did something similar to Wanda.
These thoughts I had today about these two remarks this young woman made whom I ate lunch with today disturb me a great deal. I think maybe that post in 2018 might actually contain truth. This is not good for me in my prospects of interacting with this young woman who works at this business whom I write about a lot on this blog. I care for this person a great deal, still, but the idea that she is in on something like that, along with a lot of other women in my world, turns off whatever affection I have for this young woman right now. I don't think it's always possible to care for anyone in a warm, affectionate way all the time, even under better circumstances than the ones I've outlined above, so I don't feel bad about feeling turned off towards her right now. I don't know how to move forward from this kind of an impasse, and I'm prepared to walk away from the whole deal at this point.
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