The problem I have now concerns thoughts i have that I first posted in November of 2018. The thoughts center around the idea that someone stalks me on the internet, and I that I might have a presence on the internet that I do not consent to. Today I ate lunch somewhere, and a young woman I'd just met, who sat across from me, said something out of the blue. She said, "You're in." Then a little later she talked about a guy who lives in her apartment complex who uses her laundry room, and how he pulled his dick out and wanted her to blow him one time. These two things made me believe that she knows stuff about me that I've never talked to her about. I thought that when she said, "You're in," that she might have meant I was "in" with this young woman I go on about at length sometimes on this blog, and when this young woman I talked to at lunch today brought up this guy at her complex doing this crude sexual proposition to her, that she referred to the time I often write about in 1987 where I did something similar to Wanda.
These thoughts I had today about these two remarks this young woman made whom I ate lunch with today disturb me a great deal. I think maybe that post in 2018 might actually contain truth. This is not good for me in my prospects of interacting with this young woman who works at this business whom I write about a lot on this blog. I care for this person a great deal, still, but the idea that she is in on something like that, along with a lot of other women in my world, turns off whatever affection I have for this young woman right now. I don't think it's always possible to care for anyone in a warm, affectionate way all the time, even under better circumstances than the ones I've outlined above, so I don't feel bad about feeling turned off towards her right now. I don't know how to move forward from this kind of an impasse, and I'm prepared to walk away from the whole deal at this point.