I've been talking, supposedly in a general sense, about twenty year olds. "Twenty year olds this," and "twenty year olds that." The reader can probably guess I'm talking about a specific twenty year old. I think she's twenty. Let's say she's twenty. I'm not asking her out.
I never asked Sara out in 1988. Nope, never. She presented too many problems. Plus, I pretty much decided to let her slip through my fingers from the get go. I grew to like her more than I probably ever would have if I'd pursued her to the ends of the Earth and back. When I let her know I wasn't talking to her anymore in the Fall of 1988, when I went to the art school to visit with teachers after I'd graduated that Summer, she'd glare at me angrily.
But, when I saw her again in 1992, I learned her name, and I walked off to the bathroom when she sat next to me wanting to talk. I didn't walk off out of anger. I sat on the edge of the stage at Flamingo Cantina, She walked up and sat next to me and asked, "What's up?" in a friendly manner. Up until then she'd come off as pretty standoffish at Alice's house and outside the club. So she sits next to me and asks, "What's up?" I say, "I don't know," and float off on a cloud of bewilderment to the men's room. Bewildered because earlier that night I found out her name, found out she was gay, and the really baffling thing, those feelings of longing and yearning I'd nursed in my bosom for those two-plus years I'd thought I'd made a terrible mistake in letting her go- the torch I'd carried for Sara for those two-plus years- burned not even a little; a total absence of any feeling for her inside at the sight of Sara that night. I saw her talk to Alice a little from the men's room, but she'd left by the time I got back.
This particular twenty year old now. She presents too many problems. It seems as if, maybe, my skeptical blog posts of late regarding her have hit a bullseye, which is problematic. I say things like she sees me as an object of curiosity, I think, and she just wants to fuck with me for the experience of fucking with me. That's not a good person to ask on a date, even if I get some kind of opportunity.
It's not as if I'm too afraid to approach any attractive, even young women for that kind of thing. Last weekend I talked to a very pretty young woman at a club whom I noticed looking at me. She later had occasion to stand close to me, so I talked to her. I asked her later if she could give me contact info, and she said no. I said that it was nice meeting her and left. That was it. I wasn't too intimidated to talk to her in the first place, and I wasn't too intimidated to ask for her contact info. I didn't even get beat up or anything.
I mean, I can say "hi" to this twenty year old, make small talk, etc. I don't dislike her. She works at a business where I wouldn't feel comfortable asking a female employee for her phone number or out on a date. I felt comfortable enough asking that young woman at the club for contact info, so it's not, "No, never," under any circumstances. Just not these circumstances, and not her.
Other young, attractive women at other businesses who acted a little flirty with me in the recent past seem to like me fine even though I neither asked them out nor gave them CDs, comic books, or info on my next musical performance. In earlier years, attractive young woman seemed uncomfortable when I asked them out at their place of employment, and they would try to retaliate or just not want to talk to me. I want this girl to like me. To my way of seeing things, she might like me better if I do like I've done recently and not ask her out or give her presents or gig info.
I never asked Sara out in 1988. Nope, never. She presented too many problems. Plus, I pretty much decided to let her slip through my fingers from the get go. I grew to like her more than I probably ever would have if I'd pursued her to the ends of the Earth and back. When I let her know I wasn't talking to her anymore in the Fall of 1988, when I went to the art school to visit with teachers after I'd graduated that Summer, she'd glare at me angrily.
But, when I saw her again in 1992, I learned her name, and I walked off to the bathroom when she sat next to me wanting to talk. I didn't walk off out of anger. I sat on the edge of the stage at Flamingo Cantina, She walked up and sat next to me and asked, "What's up?" in a friendly manner. Up until then she'd come off as pretty standoffish at Alice's house and outside the club. So she sits next to me and asks, "What's up?" I say, "I don't know," and float off on a cloud of bewilderment to the men's room. Bewildered because earlier that night I found out her name, found out she was gay, and the really baffling thing, those feelings of longing and yearning I'd nursed in my bosom for those two-plus years I'd thought I'd made a terrible mistake in letting her go- the torch I'd carried for Sara for those two-plus years- burned not even a little; a total absence of any feeling for her inside at the sight of Sara that night. I saw her talk to Alice a little from the men's room, but she'd left by the time I got back.
This particular twenty year old now. She presents too many problems. It seems as if, maybe, my skeptical blog posts of late regarding her have hit a bullseye, which is problematic. I say things like she sees me as an object of curiosity, I think, and she just wants to fuck with me for the experience of fucking with me. That's not a good person to ask on a date, even if I get some kind of opportunity.
It's not as if I'm too afraid to approach any attractive, even young women for that kind of thing. Last weekend I talked to a very pretty young woman at a club whom I noticed looking at me. She later had occasion to stand close to me, so I talked to her. I asked her later if she could give me contact info, and she said no. I said that it was nice meeting her and left. That was it. I wasn't too intimidated to talk to her in the first place, and I wasn't too intimidated to ask for her contact info. I didn't even get beat up or anything.
I mean, I can say "hi" to this twenty year old, make small talk, etc. I don't dislike her. She works at a business where I wouldn't feel comfortable asking a female employee for her phone number or out on a date. I felt comfortable enough asking that young woman at the club for contact info, so it's not, "No, never," under any circumstances. Just not these circumstances, and not her.
Other young, attractive women at other businesses who acted a little flirty with me in the recent past seem to like me fine even though I neither asked them out nor gave them CDs, comic books, or info on my next musical performance. In earlier years, attractive young woman seemed uncomfortable when I asked them out at their place of employment, and they would try to retaliate or just not want to talk to me. I want this girl to like me. To my way of seeing things, she might like me better if I do like I've done recently and not ask her out or give her presents or gig info.
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