As of this writing, i have little or no desire to seek out the presence of that young woman that works at that business whom I can go on and on and on about on this blog. The only drawback of my current approach, to just stay in my lane as far as how I patronize her place of employment and refrain from any attempts to favor her with my presence and attention, seems to reside in the belief that I the longer I do this, the more i might come to realize that she probably had it in for me all along, and that no real feeling on her end for me ever existed, and that no substantive feeling for me exists on her end towards me now.
On the other hand, I seem to enjoy my sense of emotional autonomy from all the dastardly shenanigans that may well have emanated from her and hers these past several years. I often find I enjoy getting away from such a person if I give the idea of it a good chance to take hold. As I wrote a couple of posts ago, I started training myself long ago to live without such women in my life, no matter how robustly or for how long the notion of them got under my skin.
A few moments ago, as I settled down for the day, I thought that one advantage of staying away from this person and just leaving her alone might come from how such a move might make me look to those in my day to day world. This includes just about everyone, man or woman, any age, who may or may not have knowledge of the rather grandiose yet sinister notions I harbor of what all went on these past few years. I like the idea of those around me seeing me more as a man, and less as an obsessive pest who may pose a threat to someone such as her. I think if I take the additional step of removing the standard set of bottom lines as significant markers for success, i.e., don't make romantic and sexual engagement with attractive women the ultimate bottom line for what I consider a successful outcome to this whole deal, that I might really like the idea of those around me perceiving me more in a way I would like for them to perceive me.
Now, my fearful notions of where this young woman positioned herself in relation to me these past several years could prove wrong. If this young woman reads this post and finds my paranoia upsetting, she should realize that, given that I still find her very inaccessible, and that I gave her a very, very, good chance over a month ago to make herself more available and accessible to me, and that she did not take advantage of this opportunity, well, she has to understand that anyone in my position might find their imagination running wild about all that has come so far. That includes the fact that nothing really seems to have changed between us at all, even after I so unambiguously and emphatically reached out to her in the best way I possibly could over a month ago now.
On the other hand, I seem to enjoy my sense of emotional autonomy from all the dastardly shenanigans that may well have emanated from her and hers these past several years. I often find I enjoy getting away from such a person if I give the idea of it a good chance to take hold. As I wrote a couple of posts ago, I started training myself long ago to live without such women in my life, no matter how robustly or for how long the notion of them got under my skin.
A few moments ago, as I settled down for the day, I thought that one advantage of staying away from this person and just leaving her alone might come from how such a move might make me look to those in my day to day world. This includes just about everyone, man or woman, any age, who may or may not have knowledge of the rather grandiose yet sinister notions I harbor of what all went on these past few years. I like the idea of those around me seeing me more as a man, and less as an obsessive pest who may pose a threat to someone such as her. I think if I take the additional step of removing the standard set of bottom lines as significant markers for success, i.e., don't make romantic and sexual engagement with attractive women the ultimate bottom line for what I consider a successful outcome to this whole deal, that I might really like the idea of those around me perceiving me more in a way I would like for them to perceive me.
Now, my fearful notions of where this young woman positioned herself in relation to me these past several years could prove wrong. If this young woman reads this post and finds my paranoia upsetting, she should realize that, given that I still find her very inaccessible, and that I gave her a very, very, good chance over a month ago to make herself more available and accessible to me, and that she did not take advantage of this opportunity, well, she has to understand that anyone in my position might find their imagination running wild about all that has come so far. That includes the fact that nothing really seems to have changed between us at all, even after I so unambiguously and emphatically reached out to her in the best way I possibly could over a month ago now.
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