Over the last couple of days an awareness that more than one attractive woman in my world may care for me provides a genuine source of distraction as I go about my business. I know these women from businesses I patronize or other places where I have contact with them on a regular basis. In every instance I feel personally constrained from approaching them for social reasons. Today I remembered how I tried to broach that subject with several baristas at this one coffee shop from 2009 to 2012, and how much upheaval getting shot down by them caused for me mentally, emotionally and socially. I don't want to go through that again. Again, I don't make this decision out of excessive shyness, but rather because I just want to try a different approach. I hope that refraining from asking this barista for contact info or inviting that staff member at Austin Clubhouse to see me play an open mike night might possibly bear a brand of fruit that I can live with, even if I never go on even one date with any of these women.
As it stands, I feel constrained, and they may feel constrained too, if my guesses about their interest me contain some truth. I think taking care to treat such women with consideration proves just as important a task for me as taking care to treat that young woman I invited to my comic book sale last October with consideration. I suspected her of coming from some adversarial place in regards to me, and that guardedness from me that governed how I treated her could prove just as handy with these women whom I figure might really care for me. I don't feel as if any, or, um, either of them will find my reserved stance alienating to them. I say this with some confidence, because I've refrained from approaching baristas since that era of around the early 2010's, and those baristas I've just left alone, so to speak, seem to like me fine.
A couple of posts ago I wrote that I had no resentment that my gesture towards that young woman last October didn't compel lots of very attractive, young women to openly express a desire to go out with me, and I feel that way about these two women. I feel good enough speculating that my behavior towards that young woman from the past several years may indeed resonate with more than one attractive woman in my world. I feel a great amount of gratitude that I've meaningfully addressed my problems with love addiction, and that I did not do anything to undermine or sabotage the positive flavor of my invitation to that young woman last October. I think the possibility that women in my world whom I find very attractive also like me, even if the circumstances we know each other, and my past frustrations that resulted from efforts to put myself out there for the cause, constrain me from doing anything about it. I feel very good with entertaining the possibility that these feelings for me from these women in my world may exist at all, even though I don't feel much like trying to cash in. Will my unwillingness to do anything about it alienate either of them? We'll see.
As it stands, I feel constrained, and they may feel constrained too, if my guesses about their interest me contain some truth. I think taking care to treat such women with consideration proves just as important a task for me as taking care to treat that young woman I invited to my comic book sale last October with consideration. I suspected her of coming from some adversarial place in regards to me, and that guardedness from me that governed how I treated her could prove just as handy with these women whom I figure might really care for me. I don't feel as if any, or, um, either of them will find my reserved stance alienating to them. I say this with some confidence, because I've refrained from approaching baristas since that era of around the early 2010's, and those baristas I've just left alone, so to speak, seem to like me fine.
A couple of posts ago I wrote that I had no resentment that my gesture towards that young woman last October didn't compel lots of very attractive, young women to openly express a desire to go out with me, and I feel that way about these two women. I feel good enough speculating that my behavior towards that young woman from the past several years may indeed resonate with more than one attractive woman in my world. I feel a great amount of gratitude that I've meaningfully addressed my problems with love addiction, and that I did not do anything to undermine or sabotage the positive flavor of my invitation to that young woman last October. I think the possibility that women in my world whom I find very attractive also like me, even if the circumstances we know each other, and my past frustrations that resulted from efforts to put myself out there for the cause, constrain me from doing anything about it. I feel very good with entertaining the possibility that these feelings for me from these women in my world may exist at all, even though I don't feel much like trying to cash in. Will my unwillingness to do anything about it alienate either of them? We'll see.
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