I admit, though, I'm pretty fond of her, even though I don't know this person at all. I think about how getting to know her better would play out if I had the chance. I feel as if I reside a safe enough distance from her emotionally that I can fantasize about that stuff from time to time. I figure she's doing whatever the hell she wants, and that means something that has nothing to do with me, most likely.
I guess I'm going by the whole, "It's about being the right person, not finding the right person," axiom. I think the right person would have let her go under the circumstances I found myself in. She didn't seem at all receptive to letting me get closer to her, and I even thought she might have considered me some kind of threat to her, which is a bad sign in anyone's book.
Maybe the move I busted on her, letting her go super early in whatever timeline I went by, might work some day with the right person. I don't know. I used to have a friend who could pick up women pretty readily, and he would get to have sex with these women soon after meeting them, sometimes within hours. Right? Some of them became his girlfriends, and he and these girlfriends often seemed to buy into the notion that they owned each other after dating each other just a little while, like days or weeks, and then the shit could really hit the fan.
Me, I'm due for another sexual encounter in about two to five years from now, if my history this century holds any clue to that. The "real" girls I have sex with don't conform to the usual interactive dynamics I saw between myself and this woman. The girls I have that kind of sex with just come up in some different kind of way that doesn't involve the romantic love dilemmas I found myself in with this woman that I cut loose. I told a friend of mine the other night that I seemed to exist socially and sexually in a de facto wild oats period. In other words, I'm sowing my wild oats, at the age of forty-five, fifty, fifty-five, because the women I encounter offer themselves with little or no strings attached, so that my only viable option lies in viewing this time as a wild oats time.