I think that woman I go on and on about on this blog wanted to walk me down a path where I would wind up intensely disliking her, hating her, call it what you will. I get the feeling she doesn't want me in that place now, as it turns out. I say this based on past experience, in large part. The fact that she displayed great kindness towards me when I approached her for social reasons probably put her in a place where she does not want me hatin' on her after all. Very well.
She's not entitled to my love for her kindness towards me. One can't invoke the dark things I suspect her of trying to invoke and just get all of that wiped clean in an instant. But, however much I showed that I cared for her that day, I can't decide to take that back either. That kind of thing is mine to give, as I see it, but not mine to take back.
I still just want to get on with my life, because I don't see any real change in anything that goes on between us, and that's the way it's always been between me and her, as far as I can tell. I've taken these deals to this place more than once, and never had the chance to cash in on any of that. I don't really expect to now.
She's not entitled to my love for her kindness towards me. One can't invoke the dark things I suspect her of trying to invoke and just get all of that wiped clean in an instant. But, however much I showed that I cared for her that day, I can't decide to take that back either. That kind of thing is mine to give, as I see it, but not mine to take back.
I still just want to get on with my life, because I don't see any real change in anything that goes on between us, and that's the way it's always been between me and her, as far as I can tell. I've taken these deals to this place more than once, and never had the chance to cash in on any of that. I don't really expect to now.
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