She's not entitled to my love for her kindness towards me. One can't invoke the dark things I suspect her of trying to invoke and just get all of that wiped clean in an instant. But, however much I showed that I cared for her that day, I can't decide to take that back either. That kind of thing is mine to give, as I see it, but not mine to take back.
I still just want to get on with my life, because I don't see any real change in anything that goes on between us, and that's the way it's always been between me and her, as far as I can tell. I've taken these deals to this place more than once, and never had the chance to cash in on any of that. I don't really expect to now.