Anyhoo, in 2010 a girl named Lauren, a recent graduate of Texas A&M, worked there in the Spring. She was attractive and really nice. It seemed as if she was single the whole time. Maybe she just casually dated around, but didn't have a serious boyfriend. We hit if off in conversations, and I remember another girl raising her eyes and smiling at Lauren when I talked about someone I'd dated a little and a little while back.
In like April or May of that year, she made plans to go to law school at Baylor in Waco (law schools will typically start in late Spring, as opposed to the Fall). On her last day of work, as our undemanding three hour shift ended for the day, we all started to leave. I looked at Lauren as I left, she slowed her walk, and she looked worried or concerned or something. I took it to mean that she might have wanted me to reach out to her socially. I just muttered, "See ya'," or some such, and scampered out.
Looking back over the years, I often rationalized my inaction by telling myself that she should have demonstrated more interest in me, but that's bullshit. She was the type that would be very much in demand in the dating world, and I'm sure plenty of men reached out to her in a way she liked based on a level of interaction with her that I had, or with even less affirmation that she liked them.
But, you know what? Since the days of Celeste in 1999 (another one that got away, in my book), My missed opportunity with Lauren is the only one I wish I had back. So that makes ONE missed opportunity in the last nineteen years that I wish I had back. That says a couple of things. One, that I don't get many opportunities with women of Lauren's calibre, period, and two, that I've taken advantage of whatever other opportunities I've had that I really wanted to take advantage of.
This morning, I went to one of the food service businesses that I patronize, and one of the young woman seemed to be curt with me to the point of almost coming off as rude. She is very attractive, very nice, and someone who comes off as ideal in the way that women like her come off as ideal when they are locked down with a serious boyfriend. So yeah, I know her as someone who has a serious boyfriend. Oh, and she seems very intelligent. Did I mention that? Good.
I don't know why she was the way she was with me. It might not have anything at all to do with me. I try not to be too egocentric about this stuff. I've tried to keep her at arm's length in the time of our acquaintance- not arm's length to keep her from getting close to me, but rather arm's length to keep me from trying to get too close to her. Okay? I have enough experience to know that the whole, "Gee, she seems perfect, if only she were single, she'd surely go for me," has not worked out for me in that way when these ideal-seeming women become single.
So, maybe, she sees me as trying to get too close to her, or maybe she's not with her boyfriend anymore, and she's feeling insecure to the point of being bitchy to me. Or, maybe I'm making a big issue out of nothing that doesn't even have anything to do with me.
The only possibility I care about is that she's now single, or single enough, and the whole eternal question arises, "What are you going to do about it, Rich?" To which I reply: that rude, shitty treatment of me might be something she's seen in bullshit romantic comedies, but I don't play that. If I just let this one slip through my fingers because I'm missing some signal, that will make for only TWO missed opportunities in the last nineteen years, which I can live with.