In September, 1986, I had a psychotic episode at a house party. At the party I wanted to approach "Donna," someone I'd encountered briefly the previous June at the same friends' house as this party. The episode centered around the notion that many, many of the party goers thought of me as a dangerous, mentally ill, romantically obsessed guy who posed a threat to Donna. After I sheepishly walked by Donna without talking to her, due to the hostile expression on her face as she looked at me, Wanda came up and laughed in my face, twice. I made things right with Donna the following weekend at another party at a West Campus social organization's house. Afterwards, all of my friends who shit on me during or after that party of the previous week had a different tune to sing, including Wanda. I came to the understanding in the following weeks and months that Wanda had taken an interest in me.
Okay, I'll cut to the chase. If I ever again encounter a situation where someone either succeeded in visiting, or attempted to visit emotional abuse upon me, and later on that person supposedly took some kind of interest in me, I see a reasonable way through that dilemma. If I find that person attractive and/or appealing, but I also had the sneaking suspicion that nothing really has changed as to where I really stand with them, I have a reasonable way through that dilemma. If someone proved an emotionally abusive asshole who only intended to inflict pain on me because they saw me as a bad guy, and they thought God was on their side, so to speak, and that person later on had a genuine change of heart, but I felt as if I couldn't properly see that change of heart in all of its manifest glory initially, I think I have a reasonable way through that dilemma.
The last thing I'd want to do in that situation would involve coming off as if I wanted nothing more than to vie for the attentions and affections of that person at the soonest possible "opportunity" to do so. That would amount to letting that person get away with murder, to my way of seeing things. I would instead inform that person that we could be friends for a while, say, two to four months, and after that probationary period, we could then see about dating.
The reason I say this now involves my efforts to reflect on the last ten or so years of my personal life, when it seemed as if young, very attractive women lined up around the block to just play the role of abuser towards me. Personally, I would prefer to date someone who NEVER, EVER, came at me in an adversarial, abusive manner. However, all of these women who came at me in this manner of these past ten years were very, very attractive, as was Wanda in 1986/87. So, on the one hand, there's the immense temptation to just say, "All is forgiven," right off the bat and try to be a good guy and work things out, as I attempted with Wanda, but on the other hand, there's how things shook out with Wanda after all.
Again, a probationary period, where me and such a person were just friends and did not have sex initially- where NEITHER of us would vie for consummation of our supposed mutual attraction to each other initially- would allow room for BOTH of us to meet someone more suitable to our individual needs, if that eventuality proved the best course of action after all, OR it could allow us to find out if something viable actually existed between us. I could make myself available for dates and phone conversations and physical affection that only goes so far with a person like that, but I think a probationary period would minimize the chance of things going to total shit like they did with Wanda. Does anyone have any better ideas about how I best negotiate my way through such a dilemma?
I write this because, in spite of where a lot of these women came from with their shit, I really did like some of them. That cashier at that grocery store comes to mind. When I approached her for social reasons in October of 2021, I did so because I like her, not to play some trick on her. That virgin girl who worked at that same grocery store could go jump in the lake, on the other hand. A probationary period might allow me to see if I really like such a person, rather than just experience some sort of bedazzlement at their youth and beauty and charisma.
Okay, I'll cut to the chase. If I ever again encounter a situation where someone either succeeded in visiting, or attempted to visit emotional abuse upon me, and later on that person supposedly took some kind of interest in me, I see a reasonable way through that dilemma. If I find that person attractive and/or appealing, but I also had the sneaking suspicion that nothing really has changed as to where I really stand with them, I have a reasonable way through that dilemma. If someone proved an emotionally abusive asshole who only intended to inflict pain on me because they saw me as a bad guy, and they thought God was on their side, so to speak, and that person later on had a genuine change of heart, but I felt as if I couldn't properly see that change of heart in all of its manifest glory initially, I think I have a reasonable way through that dilemma.
The last thing I'd want to do in that situation would involve coming off as if I wanted nothing more than to vie for the attentions and affections of that person at the soonest possible "opportunity" to do so. That would amount to letting that person get away with murder, to my way of seeing things. I would instead inform that person that we could be friends for a while, say, two to four months, and after that probationary period, we could then see about dating.
The reason I say this now involves my efforts to reflect on the last ten or so years of my personal life, when it seemed as if young, very attractive women lined up around the block to just play the role of abuser towards me. Personally, I would prefer to date someone who NEVER, EVER, came at me in an adversarial, abusive manner. However, all of these women who came at me in this manner of these past ten years were very, very attractive, as was Wanda in 1986/87. So, on the one hand, there's the immense temptation to just say, "All is forgiven," right off the bat and try to be a good guy and work things out, as I attempted with Wanda, but on the other hand, there's how things shook out with Wanda after all.
Again, a probationary period, where me and such a person were just friends and did not have sex initially- where NEITHER of us would vie for consummation of our supposed mutual attraction to each other initially- would allow room for BOTH of us to meet someone more suitable to our individual needs, if that eventuality proved the best course of action after all, OR it could allow us to find out if something viable actually existed between us. I could make myself available for dates and phone conversations and physical affection that only goes so far with a person like that, but I think a probationary period would minimize the chance of things going to total shit like they did with Wanda. Does anyone have any better ideas about how I best negotiate my way through such a dilemma?
I write this because, in spite of where a lot of these women came from with their shit, I really did like some of them. That cashier at that grocery store comes to mind. When I approached her for social reasons in October of 2021, I did so because I like her, not to play some trick on her. That virgin girl who worked at that same grocery store could go jump in the lake, on the other hand. A probationary period might allow me to see if I really like such a person, rather than just experience some sort of bedazzlement at their youth and beauty and charisma.
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